Feedback Please - Originals In The Making

So last night I posted the video of my first song to learn. It felt good to accomplish the feat and the kind comments I received gave me a much needed confidence boost. Today I was working towards getting started on learning a few other songs. But being that guy who always has a tendency to want to skip forward in the process I took a left turn and dove head first into a couple of originals. I wrote lyrics to four songs about three weeks ago. It was one of those moments where emotions and creativity collide and things just appear. I’ve been goofing around with chords and crafting the vocals in my head. I had two of them pretty worked out in my head and put down on paper. I went out this evening and gave it a real go. I’m pleasantly surprised and would genuinely like feedback on everything. The melody. The lyrics. The song structure. Everything. I don’t know on my voice. I received some positive feedback yet I’m still skeptical. I feel like perhaps there may very well be something lurking in there but I’m not really sure exactly where it’s at or how to bring it out other than to just screw around until something happens. I have more advanced melodies in my head but I had to go with the best I could do at my current skill and knowledge level. The First song is Back To Monday and the second is Peaches. Lyrics are in the video description. TIA!

Back To Monday

Peaches

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Hey Ed,
First of all a very belated welcome to the Community- I never said Hi when you joined over two years ago :flushed:
You’ve obviously put that time to good use, not only in developing your guitar chops, but even more importantly using your new-found skills to explore your creativity.
Kudos! :sunglasses:
Both songs are way above what I would expect from early attempts at songwriting
I much preferred Monday- very laid back Horse with No Name vibe going on. The repetitive I wanna… motif works well- You threw in a bridge an’ all :smiley:
It works fine as it is as a song. I was struggling to make out the lyrics with just the video, so had to head over to YT to check them out. That’s a pity if you’ve gone to the trouble of writing them, so maybe a little more projection/amplification with more care for enunciation would be something to be aware of. (Difficult when you’re trying to express emotion simultaneously).
Your voice is fine.

Peaches was a fine effort too but didn’t work nearly as well for me as a song. I found the persistent G in the chord progression was too much when combined with its prominence in the melody. I think I remember someone saying it’s good to try not to start off the vocals on the root note (but might be mistaken). I also felt the vocal stresses were too closely bound to the beat of your strumming. I think most of us do this when we start out and that’s probably a good thing. We need to learn how to focus on rhyming and rhythm. The interesting bit starts when you can ‘dissociate’ the two and ‘sing across the bars’ if that makes sense.
You’ve gotten off to a flying start :smiley:
Make sure you hold on tight and stay on that ride

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Ed

Liked both your songs and the contrast in styles. The lyrics of Peaches are good.

One suggestion I would make: imagine someone is watching and listening to you and your performing for them. At the moment you’re singing and playing to yourself and it’s quite restrained. If you vsualise your audience your projection, guitar and vocal, will improve.

Keep on writing and performing.

Brian

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These are both great Ed, but I loved Peaches!

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Thanks Brian! I did join around two years ago. I’ve got about six months of practice days in across that time. It hasn’t been conventional or structured by any means, mostly just messing around under the guise of practice. Only in the last little bit have I gotten “serious” about learning. I have a chaotic brain and I’m probably considerably better in certain areas than my actual knowledge is. I quite literally feel like I’m mostly just pulling it out of my you know what though.

Thank you for the compliment on my song writing. That really helps. It’s always challenging when you’re first doing something and don’t know if what you’re doing is actually decent or you’re simply overzealous and biased.

My enunciation definitely needs a lot of work. Not just my enunciation, my concentration, my confidence, my breathing, my skills, everything. There is a lot of “you need to do this” and “you need to do that” going on all the time I’m trying to play in order to keep the strumming together, track chord changes, trying to actually sing rather than just speak, etc. I just haven’t figured out how to free myself yet to keep the fear and hesitation from covering up all the good parts.

The bridge on Monday has been lingering a while. It’s one of the many little bits I’ve stumbled across with my fancy chord change exercises. The rest of the music I made up on the fly and then realized I could use the other bit as a bridge. I still don’t know the correct terminology for anything… riff, melody, beat, yada yada yada. lol

I don’t know what to do with the peaches music. I have way more advanced vocals in my head that don’t match my singing voice. At least not yet. The music is just something for the sake of something. If I were more advanced it would likely use different chords with more picking and less strumming. I’ll get there if I can stay on track.

Thanks again for the feedback. Very much appreciated.

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Thank you Brian! Have you met the other Brian above? lol

I do the imagining when I’m dreaming up melodies and lyrics or movie scenes or books or whatever wild creation my brain decides to ponder. Unfortunately I’m still having to put a lot of focus into strumming, chord changes, starting and stopping vocals in the right moment, bpm, breathing etc, etc. I’m still figuring out how to do all that in a secondary motion so I can be free to allow those imaginings in my head to exist without my interference.

Thanks again!

Thank you! I’m fond of Peaches myself. Back To Monday I like as well but the lyrics are more specific to myself and one other person whereas I feel the Peaches lyrics are a bit more universal. Peaches needs a more advanced guitarist though. Thanks to positive feedback such as yours I might be able to find him.

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There is so much background noise! Your mic seems to pick up every bug and cricket in a 2 mile radius. Found it very hard to listen to because of that.

Tell me what you think. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Learn to self-assess. Are you happy with your tracks?

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Well, my self-assessment would be that they stink and need a LOT of work. But then again, I’m a relentless perfectionist when it comes to myself and things I do. I do know they’re likely better than I would ever give them credit for and I’m still very much a beginner which is why I’ve began to look for feedback. Proper feedback is good for growth in my opinion. I feel like it’s kind of also the whole point for this community.

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Keep playing and stretching. Praise won’t be as helpful as you think and free advice --well you get what you pay for. LOL

I don’t recall asking for praise, only useful feedback. I thought that’s what this community was for. Perhaps I was wrong seeing as your advice seems to be go figure it out on your own. Have a great day.

No. My advice would be:

  1. Develop your ears
  2. Play around with tone (it is not a rabbit hole. What does it matter if you hit the right note or chord but your tone is tinny, thin or flabby?)
  3. Learn to self-assess
  4. Find your own voice on the instrument
  5. Live your best life