I’ve revised this song in light of some very helpful comments below. The link here no longer works because it has been replaced by the updated version, which has been posted under the title Original Song - Our Story Revised.
You’re probably going to curse me but being brutally honest I think that although what you’ve done sounds nice, but to me sometimes less is more! That particular song to me would sound better and present a greater emotional impact with just the acoustic guitar behind your singing. Bear it in mind that this is just a personal opinion.
Your singing and musicianship is excellent, you have a very good command of the instruments you’re playing, good tones and timing. Your recording is very good, nice and clear with good separation, all in all technically very good.
That was really good. How did you do the mix with the music and the video and get it all the sync up? I have mixing software for audio so that seems straight forward but not sure how the video editing part works.
Thanks, Darrell. I think the coordination of the timing falls apart a bit in a couple of places - one of the things I’ve found very difficult to get just right.
Pc429, I use Camtasia to coordinate video and audio. Works very well, but if memory serves me, wasn’t cheap.
Jay I agree with every word that @DarrellW has said. It’s an emotional song, one that goes right to the heart. For me, your acoustic and your voice have a power and potency that gets diluted and my mind is distracted by the other instruments vying for my attention. This is entirely personal and subjective. It’s your expression, you must do what fits your intent.
Thanks for the comment, batwoman… As you say, it is personal preference, but I think the song becomes too repetitive and monotonous if there is nothing to build with as it progresses through the verses. I think the reason the other instruments become a distraction is that they are not introduced in a subtle manner. The dynamics and timing aren’t quite right, but also, this is only the second song in which I have tried to plan out and memorize a lead guitar part. It’s just not that good. As far as the piano is concerned, I’ve hardly played it in 30 years, and I’ve never tried to create my own music on it. I think if these were just done better, they would not be a distraction, but that’s just part of the learning process.
I thought that was really good Jay, great production and song.
I enjoyed this second version, Jay. You are showcasing fine skills to mix and produce the song and video.
To offer my 2c on the arrangement…
I can understand the comments by Darrell and Maggie about preferring the version with essentially you and your acoustic (due to the low level of the piano).
I agree with you that it is a learning process to be able to mix multiple instruments and bring them in and out of an arrangement. A whole new world to add to learning to play, sing, write and compose.
My thinking is that the parts are perhaps all a little too ‘busy’. It is like every instrument is competing to be the stand-out portion. For example when the electric guitar lead lines come in I maybe change the acoustic guitar to be more chord based rhythm. Perhaps double tracked and panned left and right with the lead front and centre. That said, also have to find a way for all the instruments to support the vocal and not ‘compete’ with that.
No rights and wrongs. Lots of good in this and perhaps worth playing around some more, see what else you can do to blend the parts, in and out.
As you say, all part of the learning and the song is already sounding good.
I agree with Darrell and Maggie at first,
But your explanation also makes it clear to me that if the rest fits perfectly it will indeed be a completely different experience,…and that’s why it’s very important that you share this with us so that it becomes part of your further musical growth… …Keep it up, you’re very good,
Completely agree with David. The electric guitar in particular sounds too busy to me. I think there is too much of it. I was trying to implement a kind of conversation between the electric guitar and the vocal - a kind of call and response, something I’ve noticed in Mark Knopfler’s songs. But it is too constant and done clumsily. I think less is more in this case. I might try another version with just less of it to see how it sounds.
Btw, this sort of conversation is exactly what I need - more ears are a great asset in helping me to improve.
That sounds like an interesting idea. Is there enough space in the vocal delivery for the licks and runs in response.
Great song Jay,
Very touching. And especially love your fingerstyle .
Btw thank you for adding the lyrics, very useful for non-native speakers like me