It’s been over a year since I last posted a recording
I was going to wait until I recorded the studio version of this song before posting but finding the time to do so has been challenging
So I thought in the meantime I would share the demo version that I recorded on my phone a few months ago Interestingly, I discovered that you can adjust vocals/instruments post recording on the phone, so I was able to polish it up a bit
The opening line and vocal melody of the song came to me as I was playing around on the acoustic guitar and then it just developed from there. I guess I’ve been watching too much apocalyptic TV shows or something
As always feedback is appreciated and hope you enjoy it.
Hopefully. I can get around to doing the studio version this year, although I’ve still got a few more original songs to finish off and record.
Lyrics
The Walls We Build
Verse 1:
Castles lit up across the wastelands
Providing shelter for every man
Where would we be without walls
Would we stand tall or would we fall
One of these days we’ll let our guard down
But tonight, we’ll hold our ground
Chorus:
And we’ll dance around the fire
while our world is still alive
Laugh in the dark
when it’s hard to survive
We’ll remember these nights
and our dreams in the stars
When we’re standing on ashes
counting our scars
Verse 2:
Castles lit up across the wasteland
Casting shadows for all to see
All the voices echo gently
Off the walls of history
One of these days we’ll be forgotten
But for now, we’ll carry on
Bridge:
And should the sky fall down
and the rivers run dry
Our hope will stay strong
until the day that we die
Through echoes of silence
ashes and dust
We’ll keep building walls
walls that we trust
Chorus:
And we’ll dance around the fire
while our world is still alive
Laugh in the dark
when it’s hard to survive
We’ll remember these nights
and our dreams in the stars
When we’re standing on ashes
counting our scars
Great to hear another original from you James.
Never having written anything myself I hesitate to offer an opinion, but I will.
Great lyrics but I felt there was not enough of a musical difference between the verse, chorus and bridge sections.
What do I know?
Thanks Gordon. Last time you told me that I went too different between sections so I kept it simple this time and just changed the key for the bridge that’s something for me to think about for the studio version hope you’re keeping well my friend. Now that I’ve blown off the dust, when’s the next OTW recording being released?
You’ll be pleased to know I’m sitting in the Lanzarote sunshine listening to your original.
As for my lack of AVoYP’s, that will be sorted soon I hope!
Great to hear from you James, sounds really promising. Perhaps setup and record the guitar and vocal through your AI etc. I think a cleaner version would allow a more considered opinion FWIW. Did like the little embellishments and licks you threw in.
Thanks, David. It’s good to hear from you. Yes, a cleaner recording through the Boss VE-8 would have sounded better and allow a more considered opinion. Although, it’s good to get some early food for thought. Interestingly, I did toy with the idea of doing it on electric with this for the verse and then go more uplifting strumming for the chorus.
Congratulations James on another great Original! I love the Lyrics, the instrumental intro and the short licks here and there! I personally think a simple thing like keeping the strumming quieter in volume in the verses would add a lot to the song…or why not experimenting and see how it feels the other way round? Some kind of dynamics you could work out for it. It’s really a good song already, you can refine it from now on when it feels the right moment for you.
Ever since you teased us in your learning log that you’ve got something cooking, I was awaiting this. When I saw the new topic yesterday night before going to bed, I was already looking forward to finding a few minutes for listening mindfully and I can say: It was totally worth the wait, James! Very well done!
It’s remarkable how much you have grown in the past years as a musician and in the overall craftsmanship of songwriting. I think, this is one of your strongest lyrics. You are painting a very vivid picture in the song - to add, the music suits that picture very well, too. Just as an example of what I mean:
What a line, James. That’s brilliant!
As your were asking for feedback, mine will go in the same direction as Gordon’s and David’s, but on the other hand I have in mind it’s “only” the acoustic demo: There could be a little more varying between verses and chorus, maybe as you said: a lift for the chorus. For an acoustic version, a little more sparse strumming pattern for the verse would do the job already. But I assume you have this in mind for your studio version already, so it’s probably not that much of a food for thought anyhow.
But that’s basically all I can add. You have a very solid tune here already. The Intro was really neat, loved it. The harmonics and melody line was well chosen and designed to convey the message of the lyrics. Definitely a keeper!
Somehow, I now feel the urge to light a bonfire.
This is cool! May I ask which OS you are using? This might come in handy for me at some point, too.
Thank you very much for giving this track a listen and giving some good feedback for me to take on board as I develop the song.
Absolutely. I’ve been experimenting recently with rise and fall of volume, partial strumming and percussive strumming. Like you suggest the softer volume for the verses building up to the rise in volume for the chorus where everyone sings along works well. That with some partial strumming works nicely together.
The more I think about it, the electric guitar arrangement idea for the verse with a bit of development could sound really nice on the acoustic. Worth a try to see how it sounds.
Every little bit of feedback received is a 5 course meal, lot’s of ingredients to chew on.
I did actually think about recording the chorus to sound like lots of people around a bonfire singing
I’m using a samsung galaxy. It’s part of the phones photo app.
Just checked the arrangement: Yes, definitely worth a try on the acoustic.
Lots of folks in this community would offer to volunteer! But on a more serious note: you could use this idea as a nice surprise on the (possibly doubled?) final chorus.
Thank you, James. That’s good to know as I’m a Galaxy user, too.
Hi James,
Great that you are posting something again after such a long time, played it nice and clean so no comment on that, but the whole thing came across as a bit monotonous…I don’t know very well to say this beter …or should I say a bit more dynamic … (always find these comments very difficult)…it is a version that, as you say, you are still going to adjust so this is easy to improve something but also very easy to not listening to me if your happy ,and that is good …otherwise if this is already the backbone…
I think it’s very important that you posted some music again. hey, I started to get a little worried ,glad that is gone
Hi Rogier - thanks for checking this track out. Yes, I understand where you are coming from with regards to the dynamics. My gut feeling is to go with something like this for the verse and a more punchier chorus. Though, I will likely not be able to sing and play it at the same time for a while but that’s where multi track recording will come in handy. Throw in some drums and bass and see what the oven cooks. All this useful feedback is giving me plenty of food for thought. Much appreciated my friend.
Good to see you back in the saddle, James, and what better way than with a ballad in my favourite A minor key, with a depressing song about surviving the darkness of the world…
Bravo!
Nothing wrong on the recording side, as it’s just a ‘test run’ and you know yourself what needs to be changed.
Now here’s where that category in the old forum would come in handy for ‘honest criticism’, where folk don’t have to walk on eggshells to avoid breaking the yolk…
I listened to this last night, whilst following the lyrics and felt I should be more involved. It’s much harder to draw a listener in with broad generalities (although many songs fall into this trap). We identify much stronger with details, esp. those involving the senses.
I listened again this morning, without reading the lyrics but trying to understand what you were singing about, and I struggled.
This songwriting lark is not easy, but you’re on the right path, because the only way we get better at is by doing it. So, good on you for writing, performing and sharing, and ignore the feedback if you are happy with it as it is. (That’s happened to me loads )
It’s the only important thing.
Yeah, I think some times we forget this is a guitar learning community with the influx recently of very high standard polished performances. If we didn’t give and receive constructive feedback how would we all improve and learn from one another?
I guess it’s about the physchology of building walls
Great job, James! I really like it!
Love the melody and the lyrics, and a good minor key
I agree with the comments regarding dynamics, other than that I don’t feel that I’m qualified to offer specific feedback, but I think you could develop it into something great
Hi Jasmine, thank you for taking the time to listen and comment. I’m pleased to read that you enjoyed it and have put yourself forward for singing the final chorus on the studio version with Lisa once I’ve sorted out the arrangement and dynamics
That was another fantastic original James. You have developed so much as a musician and a songwriter over these past few years. You must be well on the way to enough songs for an album at this stage.
Thanks Eddie. I’m probably still shy of a few songs for an album but a few to finish off. While those ones are cooking in the oven, I think it’s time to go back over the old ones with fresh ears.
I really like your song, James!
Very well done! I am with Lisa and Gordon in what they state, but as your song is now, it’s very good anyway! Also your electric accompaniment sounds really nice, I’m curious about any updates.
Why wasn’t this serious?
A chorus of us JG community people sounds like a good idea! Maybe one day I’d need one too
Interestingly, I discovered that you can adjust vocals/instruments post recording on the phone, so I was able to polish it up a bit 
that’s something for me to think about for the studio version 
hope you’re keeping well my friend. Now that I’ve blown off the dust, when’s the next OTW recording being released? 
)