Congratulations Ron!
Originals are my favourite category and this rich stuff is up there with the cream of the community When we write personal songs, we open our doors and invite strangers into our homes/ private lives.
Thank you.
Even more kudos for a fab performance. Well played and well sung.
I enjoyed the song structure, chord progression and bridge…
Honest feedback can be as hard to provide as it is to accept, but I’ll try (Believe me, I’ve asked for it before ). If you can find something useful in it, it’ll have been worth it.
I agree with @LievenDV, it’s a tad too long for my taste, for the content.
I think this shows (and makes it even more impressive).
The lyrics are a good starting point for a fine song but left me a little disappointed.
Everything is written in generalities. There are no specifics. observed events, actions, especially details like senses (smells, textures, sounds, taste…) to draw the listener in.
This listener has no idea what you are sad about.
Essentially the song says, “I’m sad things aren’t the way they used to be”.
I wish you had followed the thread further when others said, “It was just the same back then for me”, maybe turning it around and recognizing that whilst circumstances and environments change, our joys/desires/fears remain the same from one generation to the next and nothing really changes?
The last thing I want to do is rain on your parade. Think of it as a spring shower, encouraging even more growth
I look forward to hearing how you get on in the folk contest, but even more to your next composition.
Well done, again.
Ron, do enter it into the competition. The song tells a story that we have all experienced, especially those of us closer to the end than the beginning.
I know nothing about writing a song so take this suggestion for what it’s worth.
I kept waiting for a resolution at the end. Something along the likes of the old but true adage: The only constant is change.
There is a bit of peace in that reality.
Hi Jeff,
Thank you for your encouraging feedback and suggestions.
I have given your idea of finishing the song at the line in verse 3 and it is promising.
It certainly helps me condense and resolve the song.
Cheers
Ron
Hi David,
Thank you for taking the time to listen through and for the feedback.
I am glad you enjoyed it and it spoke to you. It’s a good sign the song works.
I have had a lot of great feedback which I am taking on board and I am currently working on the new condensed version to submit to the competition.
Cheers
Ron
Hi Brian,
Thank you for taking all the time and making the effort for the comprehensive feedback.
I really appreciate your candor and as you would know a song can be a very personal thing and doesn’t always translate for others to feel it like the composer does.
I purposely wrote the lyrics in generalities as I felt people could fill in their own experiences with change. Change that I don’t like can be change that someone else really wants.
I am working on a new condensed version as many have suggested before I submit.
Cheers
Ron
Hi Robert,
Thanks for the encouraging feedback. I am glad it spoke to you.
I am going to submit it with a shorter version taking in the suggestion to finish part way through verse 3 where it resolves the song better.
Cheers
Ron
When we write personal songs, we open our doors and invite strangers into our homes/ private lives.
). If you can find something useful in it, it’ll have been worth it.