How lovely of you to pop in Rogier, thankyou.
I love your weirdness, long may it last 
I have a new song that’s almost ready to go public. Till I get it finished, it may satisfy your weirdness 
to read the story I wrote a while back, from which I’ve taken the song.
Request for Long Service Leave.
My heart has told me she’s tired and wants to take long service leave. This seems a fair enough request; she’s done a good job day in day out. She’s earned some time away from the workplace.
I contact the local Employment Agency to find a replacement for her, someone to tide me over while she’s away. I want someone like her, a Good Heart. A heart that can keep a steady beat, nothing fancy, just a steady beat with the capacity to accommodate the occasional drama or downer. It needs to be in one piece and in reasonably good repair. Ideally, I’d like to see a few battle scars healed and wiser for it.
“We’re a bit down on numbers at the moment” the employment agent tells me, “All the Good Hearts and Kind Hearts have been taken and we haven’t had a Generous Heart on our books for a few weeks now, they’re very popular. Leave it with us, we’ll send you our recommendations by the end of the week” she says.
Within a few days they had shortlisted the most likely.
The procession of applicants begins with Broken Heart announcing herself in a flood of tears and a jangle of bling that holds her fractured pieces together in a haphazard sort of way. “Why in the blazes would they send this one to me?” I wondered. She looks at me through teary eyes and says “I’m a great multi-tasker; I’m good at holding it all together no matter what. I might look a mess and I mightn’t be whole hearted I admit, but I’ll give it my best shot”.
The clump of steel capped boots and a haze of cigarette smoke preceded the next applicant, Tough Love. “Tell me a bit about your work history Mr Tough” I asked. “Call me T” he grunted as he took a drag on the stub of cigarette attached to his lip. “I don’t take any crap. I set the pace. I don’t slow down for sob stories and I don’t speed up for other people’s dramas. It’s my way or no way” he said staring steely eyed at me as he handed over his CV. Gazing at it I see he has brought every project in on time, on budget and there have been no fatalities or serious injuries.
Capricious Heart twirled her way into the room in a tease of smoke and mirrors. Unable to sit in one place for more than a moment she perches on the desk in front of me and smiles beguilingly. Before I could ask about her work experience she leans toward me and says “I’d be so good for you, stodgy old thing, you need to be brightened up. I’d change that way the old heart does things … too predictable. I’d get a few new rhythms happening, maybe a bit of hip hop or crump for something new. And that boring old red, how passé, I’d have a new colour every week.”
Half Hearted dragged herself into the interview room late and flopped herself down sideways on the chair. Looking up at me from under the messy fringe covering her left eye she waited for me to ask her something. “Why are you here?” I asked. “Err, um, I’ve been told I have unfulfilled potential. I’m a life waiting to happen and if I don’t get a job soon they’ll cut off my dole. A part time job is enough for me.”
“Next” I muttered.
As Brave Heart came into the room he limped on his prosthetic leg. He held the hand of a Heart that was hanging back behind him, timid and frightened. I peered at Brave Heart quizzically, he volunteered “Oh this is my friend Faint of Heart; it’s time he got a job. If you give him the job I’d like to be his mentor if that’s OK with you? I’m not as able bodied as I used to be, but I still have a lot to pass on to this young fellow”.
Soft Heart embraces me in a moosh of pink marshmallow, gusts of her rose fragrance clinging to me as I attempt to separate myself from her gooey embrace “What special qualities do you bring to the job Soft,” I asked. “I’d love everyone” she replied in a breathy imitation of Marilyn Monroe. " Love is all there is" “Is that all?” “Oh yes, there’s nothing more, love is all there is the rest will take care of itself” she replies with an airy self-assurance.
Interviews completed, I consider my options. None of the applicants are a suitable replacement for my heart. I wonder about hiring two hearts to job share. Brave Heart and Faint Heart or Tough Love and Broken Heart could perhaps manage the job. Capricious Heart and Half-Hearted sharing the job, I shudder to think of the possibilities. Soft Heart could be on call for situations that couldn’t be resolved any other way.
As I mull over my choices, it occurs to me that I’ve undervalued my Good Heart and the job she’s done so well. I phone the agency late in the day to tell them that no suitable applicants have been found and that my heart and I are currently negotiating a new contract.
