The Relationship Crash Investigator (original)

Richard says ‘learn songs’ to get better.
I say ‘write songs’ to have fun! :smiley:
This one is musically unadventurous and still very rough, but nonetheless a good learning exercise to dissociate vocals from the rhythm of the song.
I watched a program involving air accident investigators a while ago and thought I might use it in a song. (I could have called it the marriage counsellor, but that sounds less exciting.)
Once again, I should have learned the lyrics, rather than read them off the screen and the spoken parts could have been louder, but hey ho, I’m in a bit of a rush and it’s there’s nothing wrong with sharing unfinished work.

I’m a Relationship Crash Investigator
I’ll analyse your lives,
your loves and trysts, the chances you missed
the truth behind your lies

This one had a promising start.
They filed a well-charted flight plan. Clear skies. Ideal conditions.
A miscalibrated compass caused them to gradually drift off course.
Neither noticed until they were so far gone, any corrective action was futile.
They were so low on fuel… Didn’t have the energy to turn back

I’m a Relationship Crash Investigator
I’ll analyse your lives,
your loves and trysts, the chances you missed
the lies behind your smiles

This one was doomed from the outset.
She should have seen the signs; but placed her faith in Relationship Security
She even helped carry his lethal baggage through the security checks.
He was on a mission to self-destruct, intent on maximum damage
They never stood a chance

Show me the shards of passions past
Your online history
the data in your dating apps
I can set you free

I’m a Relationship Crash Investigator
I’ll analyse your lives,
Your hopes and fears I’ll trace your tears
to the lust behind your eyes

This one remains a mystery. No one suspected a problem,
till one day they looked at each other and realised they were in a terminal tailspin.
We never found a cause.
Both parties were able to crawl out and walk away from the wreckage.
Neither ever recovered

I’m a Relationship Crash Investigator
I’ll analyse your lives,
your loves and trysts, the chances you missed
the truth behind your lies
The last one standing cries


Ouch, ouch, ouch.

Brian at his best, commentating on life, jogging along at a merry pace while his words land with a sting and a stab.

Now where did I put the bandages?

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It doesn’t play for me – just spins. I wonder what the deal is if Maggie was able to play it.

Did someone mention fun?
That is fun. From take off to landing.
Way to go Brian.
Some marvelous imagery and eyebrow raising surprises on the harmonic path through the bridge. I need to watch and listen again to kop the chords there.
Marvelous monsieur.

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It suddenly started playing!

Novel idea, well executed. Kind of a Tom Lehrer feel to it. Good fun. Well done sir!

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That’s a truly clever idea for a song. I also enjoyed the form of the song with the spoken verses and sung chorus and bridge. While not the same stylistically at all, your song makes me think of the Johnny Cash song “One Piece At A Time” and there are, of course, other songs that use the same idea. I too thought the chords in the bridge were really interesting. Well done!

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Hi Brian,
well well,…this is the first time in my life that I have read a text first,…and it was great,…and then the music has to be added and that is exciting, it creates expectations then :grimacing: … But without exaggerating, I loved it :sunglasses: :sunglasses: … fis fis … no bis bis :ok_hand: (still difficult)
You’re talking about unfinished… why?, will it come out on CD then? Okay, what you want, I’ll look after your perfect version and then on the radio :sunglasses: :bouquet: Thanks



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Haha, I had to omit the ‘uplifting’ verses, where the Maggies of the world rise like a phoenix from the ashes and serenely return to the skies, stronger and wiser, with greater perspective from a higher altitude :smiley:
I keep it short
I keep it depressing

@CT Glad the merry-go-round stopped to let you on.
Glad you enjoyed the ride.
I do like a bit of Lehrer- very witty chap!
There always a bit of a Clint in my eye when I do something different :wink:

@Richard_close2u Cheers mate :smiley:
No magic here. I believe the song is in A minor. I keep on meaning to go back to read your borrowed chords series to make life easier. I’ve come across a couple of songs where the major and minor chords of the same note appear next to each other, which I never understood, but had a go here.
The bridge is E a A d b F E7 (the dominant fifth), “which will bring us back to… Doh!” :laughing:

@Gwjr Ta Garry, much appreciated.
We all love a bit of Cash, don’t we? :laughing:
I’ll have to check out that song.

Haha, this is exactly what I was talking about in the other ‘speaking in tongues’ thread :rofl:
‘Unfinished’ as in it would be better if I learned the lyrics so I could look at the camera and engage more with an imagined audience as well as pay more attention to the scanning of speech. There are some wobbles off the backing track rhythm and I forgot where the A min chord was in the last verse.
‘In a rush’, referring to Tuesday being the day my mum goes to a daycare centre so I have a few hours to indulge myself in my hobby uninterrupted :smiley:


:grin: :innocent:

Aaa…I get it from the music

You are a good son :blush:,…and luckily it is this, I didn’t think it was logical to mention it so I was a bit shocked (stupid head of my sometimes :see_no_evil:)…but I don’t have to explain that further

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That was great Brian, I always enjoy your original compositions.
It reminded me a bit of those 60’s songs with the spoken verses. You know the ones I mean. Guy crashes motorbike after argument with girlfriend.

To watch an air crash investigation programme and then convert the idea into a relationship song shows you have a gift for songwriting and composition.

You say it’s unfinished. Well I think you should keep working at it, it really has potential. Well done!

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Just had a listen to this and liked it :smiley:
The fact that it is the same as A Boy Named Sue with a different chorus, makes me think I could squeeze another one out of this, should my muse ever fail me :rofl:

@sairfingers Cheers for the listen and generous comments.
There’s a melancholy around the house today as my son just headed back up to Scotland in his first car to live in a tent, planting trees.
I shall tell Laura you love her :laughing:

This is just great stuff!! :raised_hands:t2:

I am really really impressed! This popped up when watching flight investigators on Discovery?

I am speachless, you have serious skills on writing in my opinion. And it sounds good with a nice flow as well.

Well done!!!

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:clap: :clap: :clap:

Another cracker Brian. You’re a master wordsmith, deliver with style, and I am wondering what Crazy hair had to say.

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Superb yet again Brian. :smiley:

Surely you must be able to release your own album very soon?

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Wow, that’s deep! Very truthful though, too often a familiar story!
Brian, I’ve said it several times before you are a genius! When are you going to put together an album???

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Brilliant Brian, can’t say much else ! Read the lyrics late last and thought “happy days” !
I’ll join in the chorus for an album.

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I celebrate your son Brian and send cups of tea and digestive biscuits* to sop up the melancholy echoing in the empty spaces in your household.

*The digestive was first developed in 1839 by two Scottish doctors to aid digestion.


Brian, what can I say? You’re starting to become a guilty pleasure. I never know what to expect from you. That was a mighty fine performance and left me looking forward to what you’re going to come up with next.

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Wow! I had never realized that before! That’s very cool.

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