Blues For Beginners (by Memphis Earlene)

Woke up this morning
Cat threw a hairball on the bed.
Said, i woke up this morning
Cat puke all over the bed.
Went to the kitchen
Mr. Coffee was dead.

  1. Most blues begin ‘‘Woke up this morning.’’

  2. ‘‘I got a good woman’’ is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line.
    I got a good woman—
    with the meanest dog in town.

  3. Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes.
    got a good woman
    with the meanest dog in town.
    he got teeth like Margaret Thatcher
    and he weighs 500 pound.

  4. The blues are not about limitless choice.

  5. Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation is Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Walkin’ plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin’ to die.

  6. Teenagers can’t sing the blues.
    Adults sing the blues. Blues adulthood means old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

  7. You can have the blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or Queens. Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota are just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues.

  8. The following colors do not belong in the blues:
    a. orange
    b. beige

  9. You can’t have the blues in an office or a honky-tonk. The lighting is wrong.

  10. Good places for the Blues:
    a. the highway
    b. the jailhouse
    c. the empty bed

  11. No one will believe it’s the blues if you wear a suit, unless you happen to be an old black man.

  12. Do you have the right to sing the blues?
    Yes, if:
    a. your first name is a southern state.
    b. you’re blind.
    c. you shot a man in Memphis.
    d. you can’t be satisfied.
    No, if:
    a. you once were blind but now can see.
    b. you’re deaf.

  13. Neither Frank Sinatra nor Meryl Streep can sing the blues.

  14. If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline it’s the blues. Other blues beverages are:
    a. wine
    b. Irish whiskey
    c. muddy water

  15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack it’s blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an emergency room.

  16. Some Blues Names for Women
    a. Sadie
    b. Big Mamma

  17. Some Blues names for Men
    a. Willie
    b. Joe
    c. Little Willie
    d. Lightning

Persons with names like Sierra or Sequoia will not be permitted to sing the blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

(‘‘BLUES FOR BEGINNERS’’ © 1997-1998 by Judith Podell, aka Memphis Earlene Gray)


he he… I just recorded myself in an orange t-shirt for the BI course :smiley:
As I said - not a bluesman :person_shrugging:

What’s your blues name?
Apparently mine is Skinny Fingers Jackson.


I saw this go by on FB yesterday. :joy:

If I use my official birth certificate initials it would be

Fat Legs Washington

Dropped that in my AI Art generator and got this :scream:

Think I’ll stick with The Madman moniker !

@brianlarsen nice share sir !


@TheMadman_tobyjenner that blues name reminds me of the story you told us all on how you got your username

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The disappearing presets had nowt to do with George, just my incompetence !

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OMG, my blues name would be Peg Leg McGee :scream::joy::rofl:.


Love it. You could do Pirate Blues. :parrot: You and Sea Sick Steve could do a Duet


Sounds like a dream team :grin:


In that case, I’m looking forward to your performance with Seasick Steve in July in Belgium as a supporting act for Bruce Springsteen :slight_smile: (which, if I’m not mistaken, would pretty much be a dream come true for you :wink: ).

I’ll do what I can to not disappoint you :grin:

(And yes, would be absolutely awesome to share the stage with my idol :star_struck:!!)

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now they look like they are dressed for a scene in Men in Black.

MIB came out in 1997 Blues Brother was 1980. Simples.


The Blues Brothers were also MIB agents, it all makes sense now


Great answer. :rofl:

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I somehow doubt that :rofl:

Thanks Brian @brianlarsen laughed out loud :rofl: :joy:

Using the first way my Blues name is Boney Bones Washington or the second way it’s Sticky Fingers Algers. Maybe I can mix them up and go with Boney Fingers Washington…


Mmmm……Big Killer Franklin. Sounds like I’m bound for Folsom Prison for my Blues! :joy: