The first full song I’ve written and recorded. I’m not 100% happy as I think it’s a bit boring, but I’m happy that I’ve managed to write something and record some guitars, vocals, bass and piano (with some virtual drum grooves). Any feedback on how to improve the song would be very welcome!
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Really good song Colin, and well produced/mixed maybe need cut it to about 4 mins, and make the solo a bit more uplifting.
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Colin
Very good. You could perhaps lower the drums in the mix. Also, would be nice to see the lyric: there are a few passages where they’re not clear. I think this is an excellent first song and look forward to hearing others in future.
Brian
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That was a beautiful song Colin. Writing a good song is not easy and you have cracked it with this one.
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First of all-
Bravo! 
Give yourself a big slap on the back!
There are many round here who would be ecstatic on being able to write, perform and produce their own song- and what a superb result for a first go 
This is even better news, as it demonstrates a desire to improve it and not just sit on your laurels 
FWIW I agree with some of the suggestions above. 5 1/2 mins is too long for the song in this form. I feel a bridge would make it more interesting, or at least an instrumental/solo with greater tension/variety?
Lyrically, it wasn’t clear to me who this was directed towards until the pink transinfancy hair line, which I’m sure many listeners might not get 
Those are just personal suggestions though, offered to spur you on to keep doing what you’re doing. You’ll only get better at what you practice.
Look forward to the next one or version II 
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Hi @brianlarsen. Huge thanks for the feedback. You’re right about the length - it’s only when i recorded it I realised how long it was. My Scottish accent must be bad - the line is “pink dress and fancy hair” 
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Thanks for listening @Eddie_09. Hope you’re well!
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Thanks for listening and for the feedback @beejay56. Yeah - I’ll type out the lyrics and add them.
Cheers for listening and for the feedback @AJSki2fly. Yeah - I didnt realise it was over 5 mins until i recorded it.
Haha, that’s really funny
That said, the only difference between the two lies in the word dress and trans, which are remarkably close, esp. when buried in the music. (Another reason to add the lyrics).
The song would work just as well as a message to your offspring though, like this
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That was great Colin I enjoyed that. (and I understood the pink dress and fancy hair bit!) 
I’ve never written anything so wouldn’t dare comment but the ideas/suggestions from the others make sense to me. Well done.
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Hi Collin ,
That was allready great
I have nothing useful to add, the advice given is good 
Well I understand where Brian his mixed/confused thoughts come from … he wears fancy dresses and Pink Hair now and than … 
Greetings
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Glad you left it at the pink hair and not the dress, Rogier
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You can bet that I did some searching 
…but I’m extremely busy with subordinate housework and my girl will be home in an hour…yes I’m also wearing the dress here at home (yes, yes, old gender roles, sorry, I couldn’t resist, but otherwise we wouldn’t be having so much fun with Brian’s antics 
)
Greetings 
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I’ve been cooking up some ideas.
I shall return as it’s almost ready.
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1st song and call it “change the world” …that’s what I would call ambition! 
But I see, it was meant sarcastic, I love that. Very good turn!
Get someone who knows how to record and mix a song. Get someone who knows how to set up a mic. Unless you don’t care about it and just want to share your song, which is totally fine. I absolutely enjoyed it. It would not go on my “Community Recordincs Mixtape” whatsoever, because if the production is that bad, you have to be a legend.
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Cheers for the feedback @Allaxxor
Well done, Colin!
It’s great when you can do all the necessarty parts alone!
I am looking forward to more from you!
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Thanks for listening @domi7 - much appreciated!
Hi Colin.
Your first song. Bravo.
A multi-instrumental recording with vocal. Bravo.
A catchy chorus. Bravo.
An intro that foretells the chorus. Bravo.
A guitar solo that feeds off the melody then goes its own way. Bravo.
A song with a clear structure and theme. Bravo.
A lyrical twist at the end. Bravo.
There are so many good points you should be extremely satisfied at this, your first effort.
You’ve already had some useful pointers.
I wanted to go a little further so have spent several hours on it. I first transcribed then recreated your song. In doing so I have tried various changes and tweaks to see if I can bring something you like. Hopefully you think the suggestions I make improve it.
Well … you asked for feedback. You did ask didn’t you? You asked nicely didn’t you?
You paid up front didn’t you? You did pay the feedback fee didn’t you? You didn’t pay? Oh jeez. That’s bad. It’s normally £100 / hour consultancy fee.
Ah well, here goes anyway. It’s done now. Just give a wave and a smile at the next Open Mic.
For me, the continual embellishments across the several chord changes, all on the E or B strings, is too much of a good thing. You add sus2 and sus4 embellishment to the D chord, a high G note to the C chord, a sus4 embellishment (or add 11) to the G chord, a D note to make Em into Em7.
In my version I removed the b7 from the Em. I left the others intact. I still think there are a few too many places and the embellishments could be pared down further, in sections to give variation through the song rather then wholesale from a particular chord progression.
In recording the multi-tracked instruments, your sync is not always precise. Occasionally you strike a chord a fraction too late or early. Similarly with a bass note. I think this may be a confidence and hesitancy issue allied with inexperience at recording in this way. I also have a suggestion as to how to address it in my next comment.
The length is an issue that has been raised. I have maintained the song and reduced it from 5.34 minutes to 4:05 minutes. How? Simply by increasing the bpm. I do find the tempo you played at too pedestrian. The song drags and lacks urgency due to it being slow. I increased it to 86 bpm.
A side benefit of a quicker pace is that you will probably find it easier to play in sync. The less space and time there is between beats the easier it is to keep good time. Alternatively, the slower the tempo, the more difficult it is to strike on the eats and the off-beats because they are further apart.
Here is my version. A few notes about it.
Your bass part was very simple and did a job. It plays whole notes on each beat of 1. I wrote a bass part or the Am → Em section. This starts in verse 2. It injects a bit of momentum leading to the first chorus. I kept it for those same sections later in the song. I also wrote a bass part for the chorus. It is the key part of your song and deserves some extra excitement. I dropped this for the outro where things return to sparse and simple.
I created a different drum rhythm for the chorus to bring an increase in the dynamic and momentum. For the chorus after the instrumental, where the lead guitar continues alongside the return of the vocal, I created yet another different, busier drum part to make this section the peak of the whole song.
I changed the strumming pattern for the Am → Em part also. Playing with a variation in the rhythm in this section, where things change mood, brings in a subtle variation to add freshness and matches the place where the chord embellishments have been taken out.
I will add the separate audio and tab for these changes below.
The full song.
Selected Guitar parts only.
TAB
Intro & Verse 1 show the sections that run through the entire song.
Selected Bass parts only.
TAB
Verse 2 and Chorus 2 show the bass parts I created to move away from one root note per bar at the end of each verse and in the chorus parts.
Selected Drum parts only.
TAB
Chorus 1 and Chorus 3 show the increased dynamics of the drum parts.
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