This is a song I wrote sitting down on New Year’s Eve and looking back on what had been a really tough year for our family. As many of you know my then 7 year old son had an accident playing sport at school resulting in a fractured skull , 3 nights in the ICU and a period of one year without activity. Thankfully he is on the way to a full recovery and is the same boy he always was. It was tough to deal with and process for all of us and we went to some very dark places over the past year. This song is a follow up to the song I wrote about Killian a few months ago called “this is your time”. This song is dedicated to my wife Jill, daughter Millie and my little trooper son Killian.
This is a first take of this song so if anyone has any suggestions to improve this song then I would really welcome them as this is a song I want to keep with me.
Thanks for the listen!
You must be wondering why there have been no comments yet to your share yet, eh?
Well, I think it’s a combination of a busy AVOYP and threads zoomin’ down the list lickety-split, but as well as that the awkwardness of being asked to provide feedback on personal songs.
No problem with that here
First of all, I think there should be a separate category for folk who go out and create their own songs. It takes a certain amount of chutzpah (or sometimes self-delusion ). I love originals!
When those songs share personal thoughts/feelings on top of it all, well that’s an even bigger deal.
One of the truest forms of art in my opinion and worth learning an instrument for one song alone.
Good vibes to you, as we used to say
To bring you back down to earth, if you want concrete musical feedback:
You have a nice simple chord progression and I like the repetitive rhythm, but you might want to think about a chorus (+ bridge?) or even just a variation of the melody at some stage. It would make it more interesting to the casual listener.
That doesn’t detract at all from what you have done. Your family will appreciate this for what it is.
Thanks Brian and I don’t mind being brought back down to earth at all . On a serious note thank for the constructive feedback as this is exactly what I was after.
I didn’t write this song for clicks or pats on the back. I never consciously sit down to write a song, and with this song the thoughts just came into my head sitting in the bedroom on NYE and I reckoned I would get them down before I lost them. So this really was a first draft based on what was going on inside my head at that moment. God only knows the nonsense usually floating around in there .
I am not expecting a lot of clicks on this one, but I just wanted to get it out there anyway. Really appreciate you checking it out and providing your usual valuable and balanced input!
That was good Eddie. Your singing is so engaging, you’ve got an amazing voice. Makes me really jealous actually! Take that as a compliment.
I thought the song was great. Really heartfelt and as a listener I can tell, and I like that. The repeating rhythm was great.
My only feedback was going to be similar to Brian’s. Maybe add a bridge with different chords/etc. A standard place for that would be towards the tail end of the song, around 2/3rds through. Adds interest to keep the listener engaged.
Another way to add interest could be to do a part where you pick out different notes from the chords, maybe between verses or in the intro, etc.
Really good mate. Well done for sharing another original that means something to you.
You are good as a sing and songwriter,… your voice is very nice to listen to and your guitar is calm and steady,… only I don’t hear anything new with several recordings from you (even less now) ,so I hope you step out of your comfort zone and show us what else you can do,… and I’m 100% sure that you can do more and that you have more variety in your abilities,… But if you continue to do this, with only minor adjustments as indicated above, (chorus, chorus etc are not so small) I will also continue to click on your AVOYP,…
Keep going and don’t be afraid of the unknown in your guitar playing development, and I look forward to seeing you develop further
Thanks JK. I really appreciate your feedback, as to me on this song getting constructive input was far more important than getting “likes”. As I said it’s a song I would like to keep so your input in helping me to improve it is invaluable. Really appreciate it!!!
On the singing, well it is something I have worked on ( a few months ago I couldn’t sing a note) and there are still certain songs I can sing reasonably well and certain songs that are a complete disaster and just don’t suit me when I try them. Thanks again mate for checking it out.
Thanks Rogier. Appreciate the feedback. You are % spot with your assessment , in that I seemed to have found a comfy chair to sit in and am having trouble getting my butt out of it. I do play some different stuff when alone and like to have a good rock out but I don’t know if I am ready to inflict it on the good people of this community . Thanks for the listen and feedback and I will do my best to surprise you with my next post. No more hiding for me .
Eddie that was another fine written and composed original from you, really enjoyed it and I think you definitely should continue with writing more stuff to share with us. Again good feedback given above so I will step back and just enjoy the listen all the best
Hi Eddie, I listened to your song at the beginning of the week, but thought I needed a relisten before writing anything. As others I found the repetitive rhythm to sound really “great”, I’d rather say “soothing”, it was perfect to go along with the lyrics…you add your heartfelt good singing and you have a beautiful song. To me the structure of the song is good as it is, it tells a story and delivers emotion with no need of a chorus (this is of course only my point of view). As Jk I think that picking individual notes would add dynamics and, I think, make the guitar part more interesting to the ear and the whole thing sweeter to the heart. I hope your family is very proud of you and can see how your guitar has been a blessing in such a challenging moment in your lives.
Nice to hear an original. Well played and sung. Following on from other comments I think the song needs breaking up a bit with different strumming, unlike others the repetitive rhythm got too repetitive for me. Its something i am do and am trying to improve.
First, I’m glad you son is recovering well. Kudos for writing a song, especially one that is personal. I agree with previous comments about breaking it up with a chorus, bridge, etc. I would say that you already of the words to the chorus so you are have way there. I really enjoyed listening.
Savage Eddie. Loved it all. Lovely message. Lovely execution. Best wishes to Killian and your family and a lovely way to bookend a difficult year.
I find I’m most creative when I’m at the more difficult times in my life. 99% of this will never see the light of day but what I create works for that particular day or situation. I’ve learned (I think) that there isn’t a right or wrong.
I’ve been suckered into trying to transform some of my stuff into what I think people would want to hear rather than where it fits organically within me, for me. This ultimately ends up with me falling out of love with what I had originally tried to achieve.
Essentially I think you should go with your gut. Allow it to change if you feel it needs to but when you’re happy, stop.
If you feel you’re going on the wrong direction, stop. Come back when you want and amend as you feel necessary. You might be surprised where you end up.
A new approach I used over the weekend was focusing on the emotions/memories/aspirations I wanted to convey or stimulate within the listener. This forced me to almost totally scrap the original and reframe and it worked a dream for me on this occasion.