This is very much a work in progress. I want to record it with hand held percussion, some drums and harmonies. Until I can get my timing and rhythm spot on that won’t be happening. The drummers, bassists and people who are good with rhythm will most probably flinch at some of my timing. I do. I practice with a metronome, then it all goes pear shaped when I try recording. I add beats, go short in some bars, come in too early, too late.
I saw it first in the Learning Log, resisted impulse to say "AVOYP?’, and here it is
I’m no bassist or drummer and guess must one without good rhythm … never noticed the ‘imperfections’ you mentioned. ‘If it sounds good, it is good’ and in my ears it sounds more than good.
Hi Maggie,
Actually, the above covers the load … right?..
But just this,…Great,wow fantastic performance, and not even too bad that we don’t see you play (just a little bit …) and how nice that you first shared the text you were working on, especially for me and probably more people who do not have English as their native language, a read text first or during a song of added value…
The big advantage that there is no drum bass or what at all for instruments
that the song…the music lyrics…now really enters your head… uh heart…there is no distraction and the guitar stands like a big rock(a big house? is great! ), it’s perfect…of course with the right extra instruments it would also be fantastic, what??? I even think that if you give this assignment to professional musicians it can become a classic… But this performance can absolutely stand on its own…Can??? MUST.
If you take a deep bow now please …then I’ll do it too…
and…BIS BIS BIS…
Greetings,Rogier
Hi Maggie,
I find this as advertised… Can’t wait till you add the percussion as I think that will add a lot to this one. Sounds very difficult to sing as you have some interesting things going on with the vox! But, great start and I hope you make it through in good time, shortly!
Hey Maggie, great original. It felt very theatrical, we’re following you on the story.
Good choice to stick with your original heart!
If you’re finding the timing tricky - which it would be with the pauses and off-beat rhythm! - have you thought about recording with the metronome in the background, or maybe play a drum track in your DAW? Just suggestions, maybe you don’t want them!
Hi Maggie,
I thoroughly enjoyed your short story but the musical accompaniment puts it in a different category altogether
I was intrigued by the borrowed or jazzy chords (maybe key change?). Whatever it added that je ne sais quoi.
Go for the drum ‘n’ bass by all means, but don’t be too disappointed if you find it doesn’t improve on this version. You perform it like you’re telling a musical story rather than singing a song and the slightly longer pauses etc. simply add to the charm and interest.
You go girl!
Terrific stuff Maggie. I also don’t think things would be improved with bass and drums. They would introduce a steady beat and timing to proceedings and I think that would ruin your song. At the moment you have unique lyrics and phrasing and that is what makes this listenable and enjoyable.
I look forward to you proving me wrong when you produce an all singing and dancing version next time!
@DavidP thankyou for your comments, both here and in the LL. Sorry for insulting you in my comment about being good at rhythm. Sounding good is what it’s all about, so I’ll settle for that.
@roger_holland Goodness gracious me what lavish accolades you shower on my homespun tale. I bow in thanks Rogier. With your comments in mind, I’ll keep working on the elements that don’t satisfy me and leave the rest for another project. I didn’t video it because that would have been one distraction too many for me to deal with.
@LBro Fitting the words in and keeping time is what’s messing me up. I know that laying down drums first is the way to go. This song didn’t happen that way. I wrote the words, then messed around with chords. I wanted to develop the song for OM’s, where I thought I might get away with timing misses. Thanks for your comment, you do such great work with your mixes, way out of my league.
@jkahn thanks for your suggestions, all good ones that I use. The problem is in the way I’ve written the song. See what I said to LBro. My goal is to be able to FEEL the rhythm, to know in my bones where the 1 beat is etc. It’s a chicken and egg situation. Until I play better I mess up the rhythm. I still don’t have enough hand strength or good technique to play excellent barre chords. That throws me out every time I hear a badly played string. Every time I mess up the rhythm I mess up my playing. Every time I mess up my playing I disconnect from the rhythm. I’m finding practice with Justin’s Time Trainer played through the the amp, while I watch the screen on my phone, is the best way of getting me on the grid. Then I put on my headphones, open Reaper, turn on the click and I lose it again. Practice will sort all of this out. I need to grow a lot more neurons.
@brianlarsen I’m pleased that I was able to intrigue you I stumbled on How to play easy chord shapes up the neck so that’s where some of the chord ideas came from. Clever you, there is also a key deviation. I play a D, rather than a Dm at the end of the chorus, then step up to an E. I’d like to have made it a slide but my hand isn’t strong enough as yet. A slide on the electric sounds cool though. I think you’re right about leaving it as a musical tale. I still need to get my rhythm right though. Thankyou for you comment.
@sairfingers thankyou Gordon. When I sing I can hear shakers, some cow bell, maybe some guiro. I’ve also played around with vocal harmonies. I love singing harmony. I’ve also just bought EziDrummer2, so thought this might be a good opportunity to learn how to use it. Your comment, added to the others has convinced me to leave the song as it is. I really appreciate your input.
You are seriously growing as an artist and a guitar player Maggie, there are many embellishments and accurate note picking which is just creame a la creame if we are playing Mr L game here recording quality was fantastic really HQ here! I get a bit of flamenco vibe here and there, really great especially for early days! Not missing percussion at all, there was a bit of percussive action from your guitar during first verse and it sounded whole.
Great job Maggie, I need to get into reading meaning of your lyrics now in LL, just hadn’t got time earlier to do it, but I will catch up soon all the best!
@adi_mrok gosh Adi you’re so generous. Because I have such great respect for you a music whizz, I’ll do my best own what you say. It was a second take, one track effort with a couple of simple fx (reverb, compression) added. I’m glad you heard some accurate note picking, there wasn’t much of that. Picking the wrong bass note and not fretting my barre chords well left rather a lot to be desired I really appreciate your comments Adi, thankyou so much.
I agree with Gordon. Your song stands strong on its own without bass and drums. It has its own warmth and character, it has your heart and soul in it.
I agree with Adrian. That was very well done and you should be extremely proud of what you have accomplished. I look forward to hearing your next song.
At first, I was wanting you to at least try with the extra addition(s) and see if what you heard would help the song, not that it isn’t already great, but then I read some more comments and agreed about how in some cases, the steady beat can take the feel and emotion out. I then remembered that was a sentiment I’ve had on one or two of my own performances.
I do love this, as is. You could take it to Broadway! Was so glad to hear from you again.
I am glad I got the chance to hear a sampling of your work. I love how the song tells a story and keeps my interest to the end. Great work and I didn’t hear the flaws you mentioned. Thanks for sharing!
@Socio thankyou James for this. It’s always one of my goals to reach others when I sing, to share some of the human experience. For me, adding layers of other tracks takes it into an academic, technical exploration and expression. Not a bad thing, but not right for this simple song. Thankyou for your comments, much appreciated.
@pkboo3 it’s so nice to see you here. Thankyou for your comments. When are we going to hear you sing again? I miss you.
@skinnyt I’m sorry you haven’t been able to access the recording. I checked the link and it’s working. If you still have problems let me know and I’ll upload a soundtrack to YT.
@SDKissFan thanks for listening and for your generous comments Jeff.
What a treat that was. Great playing and singing and a very interesting song.
I have to agree with @sairfingers Gordon though, I think adding some drum and bass would take something away but I took am more than happy to be proved wrong.
The link is working now and it was worth the wait. I didn’t notice anything going pear shaped in fact I thought the strumming and dynamics made the song. Adding any extra drums etc might take away from the song and performance.
@SgtColon Thanks a lot Stefan. With your comment added to the others, I’ve decided to leave the song as it is. All I need to do now is to improve my playing.
performance, and not even too bad that we don’t see you play (just a little bit 
…
) and how nice that you first shared the text you were working on, especially for me and probably more people who do not have English as their native language, a read text first or during a song of added value…
I bow in thanks Rogier. With your comments in mind, I’ll keep working on the elements that don’t satisfy me and leave the rest for another project. I didn’t video it because that would have been one distraction too many for me to deal with.
I stumbled on 
all the best!
I really appreciate your comments Adi, thankyou so much.