Help me improve a lyric

In the spirit of Christmas Iā€™m learning Love is All Around. But thereā€™s one line thatā€™s just awful; it sounds like something Spinal Tap would have come up with.

you know I love you, I always will

ā†’ My minds made up by the way that I feel ā† :-1:

Thereā€™s no beginning thereā€™ll be no end

'Cos on my love, you can depend

What would be an improvement for that second line?

:christmas_tree:

Edit: Today and tomorrow forever still?

PS The lesson for this is sort of funny. Justin forgets how the song goes about half way through and recommends just figuring it out :slight_smile:

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Tbh, Iā€™d rewrite the whole song :rofl:
but off the top of my head, something along the lines of
ā€œYou woke me up with your red pillā€ :pill:

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Iā€™ll keep working :wink:

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I thought such a pill would be blueā€¦ and rhombic.

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Iā€™m glad someone said that, I could feel my toes curling as I read the verse!

Even though youā€™re wrinkly and over the hill?

Love songs really arenā€™t my genre :joy:

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you know I love you, I always will
But when we mee up, youā€™ve got no chill
So please, Iā€™m begging, when will it end?
Canā€™t we just be ā€œhorizontal friendsā€?

:stuck_out_tongue:

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is that your proposed alternative line or a rhetorical question to @brianlarsen? :rofl:

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Iā€™m not really either, but itā€™s Christmas and Iā€™ll probably watch Love Actually in the next week or two.

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I havenā€™t tried much songwriting yet but how about:

ā€œYouā€™ve burned in my heart, your love is so realā€

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This is going down hill.

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Written by the Troggs, in 1966 or ā€˜67 at a guess, (I know I was in primary school at the time) ā€¦ then covered by every man/woman and their dog over the decades ā€¦ and 45+yrs later you want to change the chuffinā€™ lyric ā€¦ ffs ā€¦ :man_shrugging:

One for the algos, I guess ā€¦ and good luck with that ā€¦ :upside_down_face:

Have fun ā€¦ :sunglasses:

(AI was not abused in the writing of this post)

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I canā€™t bring myself to sing ā€œMy minds made up by the way that I feelā€!

But Iā€™m a shit singer and mumble my way though anyway, so I suppose it doesnā€™t matter.

(+characters)

:rofl: :rofl:

I would normally only do that once, ā€¦ but the system insisted on more input ā€¦ :man_shrugging:

:sunglasses:
(AI was not abused in the writing of this post)

If it was one of your originals Iā€™d try and help but why rewrite what has become a classic and yes I was around for the original by the Troggs. If you donā€™t feel it donā€™t sing it. It would be like asking for advice to change

ā€œIn a word she can get what she cameā€

Sorry canā€™t help.

Itā€™s cool (cul, Q) to mess with masterpieces :sunglasses:

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(youā€™ve posted this beforeā€¦better stolen well than poorly invented :smiley:

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Iā€™m with @brianlarsen here in that I would probably just chuck all the words and start over :laughing: This song is definitely not my lyric style, but if you really canā€™t bring yourself to sing that line, how about something like:

ā€œYou bring me to my knees, make the world stand stillā€

Might be too many syllables, but you get the point.

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A little further up it was compared to Stairway to Heaven, so I donā€™t think Iā€™ll fool with the lyrics.

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Here are a few suggestions to improve the second line:

  1. ā€œMy heartā€™s convinced by the love that is real.ā€
  2. ā€œIā€™m sure of us, itā€™s a bond I canā€™t conceal.ā€
  3. ā€œItā€™s clear to me, my emotions are sealed.ā€
  4. ā€œIā€™ve found the truth in the depth of my zeal.ā€
  5. ā€œIā€™m steadfast now, no doubt left to reveal.ā€
  6. ā€œIā€™m guided true by the love that I feel.ā€

Hope this helps.

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