I’ve been popping in a lot without contributing lately. Here’s something that has been melting my brain. I’m going to walk away from it for a while and see if inspiration will come to me. It’s just not doing what is supposed to but there’s no point in fighting because I’m losing.
LETS TAKE A WALK
You said “let’s take a walk in the rain”
Let the others hide from the showers
Let them say that we’re going insane
Ain’t no sunshine, the raindrops are ours
You said “let’s take a walk by the river”
Even birds retreat to the shade
Where the drunks they tend to their livers
And the fishermans patience is paid. (Break)
You said Let’s take a walk in the night
In the darkness, the stars don’t conceal
All the lies that are long out a sight
Under cardboard roofed blood, sweat and tears
You said Let’s take a walk on the sand
Watch a girl hold her hair through the water
Where the waves push and pull through yout hand
Is a mother missing a daughter?
Let’s take a walk in the road
Where the elderlies wander at will
Making smiles as old stories are told
Next summer will they be there still
(change)
You said “let’s take a walk in the rain”
Let the others hide from the showers
Let them say that we’re going insane
Ain’t no sunshine, the raindrops are ours
Wow Dom! This is unreal stuff altogether. You certainly aren’t losing with this one. You have a real talent for songwriting and with all the originals you have posted you must have the guts of a really good album. Keep doing what you are doing!
Thanks Roger. I’m just getting in a bit of practice with the picking. Far from accomplished and I’d agree with you. It is a distraction. It’s actually turned way down from where it was.
Great stuff, Dom
Always a treat to listen to your originals. I particularly enjoyed the lyrics.
Your pick’s too noisy, my fingertips too soft
Our day will come…
Remember to revisit this one
(memo to self: no rain songs for a while )
Super stuff as usual Dom. I’ve probably said it before, reminds me of Richard Ashcroft & The Verve. I never really got distracted by the noise of the pick, I was too absorbed painting a picture in my head as the lyrics unfolded.
I love all those embellishments and single notes, some sweet, non-standard chord voicings going on there, too! It has some melancholy to it, which I like a lot! But also a sparkle of hope somehow. Full of emotions, awesome! Very cool tune, indeed.
Dom, this might be your best yet. Really enchanting tune.
Has echoes of Radiohead to me, Fake Plastic Trees. I’m not sure if it’s elements of the melody or phrasing.
I will say that the guitar intro was the weakest part. A song like this should open strong IMHO as it’s such a good song, the intro riff wasn’t as strong as the regular verse riff. If you were to continue working on it, I’d suggest adjusting that.
Cool song.
Loving the rhythm playing - nice changes of direction in how it flows.
Very good vocal.
Idea:
Maybe - drop out the guitar or simplify it for the verse beginning, “Let’s take a walk in the road…”,
Then bring it back in & throw in a harmony vocal for the final verse?
Wow if this is losing Dom, I’d like you to try that more often. Much has been said already but good lyrics well sung, really liked the progression and the fills you added. Overall it sounded pretty good to me but if I were say anything that make add to the quality, is that I think it could be enhanced a little with some additional mixing and mastering. Having said that I don’t what set you are using for recording and mixing but it still sounded pretty damn good to me.
You say its not doing what you want. Can you say what it is that is missing or where you would like to take it ? Maybe someone can offer a solution. I know someone like @RomanS or @LBro could take this up a level if they had the stems, from a mixing perspective.
But hey better than anything I could produce. Keep doing what you are doing.
Hi Dom! These verses have a really strong and memorable melody, and well supported by the lyrics. Even now after only a couple of listens, I can still hear it in my mind, and I reckon this is a really good thing. You have a knack of creating great imagery from just a few words!
As a suggestion, could you introduce a bridge that still keeps the same sentiment lyric-wise, but moves away from the Ab - Db - Fm - Db - Ab progression? This would create an appealing change for the listener and then allow them to return to the familiar verse.
This tune has been going through the ringer for the last few weeks as I have been myself but last night it got a run out in the early hours of the morning after a long night of merriment. Certainly not polished but lyrics and melody coming closer to where I wanted them to settle. My accompanying musicians hadn’t played or heard it before so parts get a little lost but that’s ok.
Really appreciate all the feedback. Compliments are lovely but I’m hungry for ideas to make a song comfortable or uncomfortably right while pushing my guitar playing a little further along all the time
I do love the originals Notter. It allows a bit of freedom for me to explore anyway and I’m less critical of myself when I don’t have to sound like an original version.
)
