Just trying to string some new chords shapes I learned and like the sound of together into something. Some timing is off. I’m still working on the metronome with varying degrees of success. My head goes away with the lyrics and by the time I start listening to the best I’m a half step out…
Just looking to try and make myself seem whole
Save my body, feed my mind, tend my soul
These mercurial thoughts wash upon this shore
They pull away at the sand beneath my feet and they won’t let go.
Clench my teeth, there’s comfort in this breeze.
Only do what I do…it’s what I thought you need.
Soon the sun will burn, and we’ll breath the air
It’s better by your side but even if you’re not, I see you there.
See your face with finite desire,
Nail along your spine, no need to force a smile
And endure the ebb and flow of existency,
Conscious in a cosmos, without mondaine complacency.
Jakers, I gave this a spin yesterday when it dropped but never got around to commenting.
Where is everybody? It’s always a pleasure to click play on a song you know you’ve never heard before and you more often than not tick that box
First impressions: When the guitar intro started, I was reminded of Bowie’s Wild Eyed Boy from Freecloud (that’s good).
I’m glad you included the lyrics as they are not at all obvious and open to a variety of interpretations (also good). I ended up googling mercurial and mondaine
For me this works well as an atmospheric piece (might benefit from a grainy home movie video to accompany) but I feel it’s missing something as a full song on its own. Just my tuppence (old currency).
Keep ‘em coming
Hey Dom, I’m a huge fan of your songwriting and style whenever I see an original posted up from you I always look forward to setting aside 10min with headphones on to soak it in. Another beautiful song, I would honestly happily pay for a ticket to see you perform live, I think you have a rare talent.
Hey Dom, I thought that was a really good original. Well played, sung and written.
I would agree with Brian. It reminds me a bit of the Verve which was a band I enjoyed listening to in their hay-day. I think it just needs that hook line chorus. You definitely have a way with words, well done, I enjoyed that very much.
I agree with Lee. I would gladly pay for a ticket as well.
Here, I would somewhat disagree with Brian and James. I have now been listening to your song three times, the second and third time with the question would I like the song to have such hook line chorus as James says. Strangely, I feel that such chorus would not add anything but take away from the atmosphere.
I feel it’s missing something too Brian. I’m just not sure what it is yet. I tried adding a piano. Didn’t work. Tried a bridge. Didn’t work. I don’t want a chorus. Perhaps a big solo near the end with someone more proficient than I.
To add some context, the song is a conversation with someone very dear to me, perhaps more of a letter of explanation by me to them and observation by me of them. I felt I needed to explain a perspective while observing them grow in their own way. I’m wishing them the best of luck with the hope that they understand me a little better.
That’s a long winded explanation why I don’t want a chorus. (You don’t repeat a paragraph in a letter)
It sounds so intimate. Yes that was my first thought.
True, you don’t repeat yourself in a letter. But maybe, if you want to add something, there could be a repeating phrase ( with or without lyrics) where e.g. two chords or words very gently change throughout the song. Thus not repetition but only the most intricate variation of tone - in every sense of the word.
Never written a song and probably never will, but I have written a lot to people who are dear to me.