She Dies - an original by JK

Oof, here goes. Sharing an original song.

I tend to experiment on the guitar a lot. Chords, riffs, rhythms. Some of that makes it through to quarter, half or fully baked songs. None are yet worth polishing. But I figure finishing a song is better than leaving it half written.

Here’s one I wrote in one sitting last week, recorded tonight. It’s melancholy, and probably more like a musical poem than a real song. Simple chords.

All feedback welcome - including criticism, I know this is a positive group but I’m fine with the negatives.


That’s a real song for me JK. Fabulous song, loved the lyrics and the soft guitar playing and great vocals which suited the song. I don’t have much spare time for the forum at the moment due to various commitments but glad I got to check this one out. Superb job!!!

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Hi Jk,
First… :partying_face: :sunglasses: :clap: :bouquet: :man_bowing:
Amazing your first song and i loved the vibes :sunglasses: great man…

And now which I am good at :wink: … the criticism, actually that is only sound-technically, I have a lot of trouble understanding/hearing the text (and I have very good speakers) because your voice is set a little too heavy (too much bass) and you guitar a little too soft or something…I don’t know how that is exactly, you and many more people will know better and correct that in a moment…
But that is only a technical thing I think and therefore in terms of what you have brought total a very very small thing…and people with little to no bass in their speakers will experience it very differently I think…So WOW again… :sunglasses: :clap:

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Woah! That was excellent JK, loved the playing and the whole feel to the song. Congratulations on your first original, one to be very proud of. I’m sure looking forward to more originals from you.

I agree with @roger_holland vocally it was a little difficult in parts understand what you were singing but that doesn’t detract from a great piece. :clap: :clap: :clap:

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Great to post an original. Playing was good, struggled with the vocal at times as others have said. Had a Leonard Cohen feel to it. Although it was well played the picking pattern seemed the same throughout, maybe it needed some variation to break it up a bit?

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Cool JK, you have my admiration for putting out a personal song.

The Em-C-Am progression is pretty dark so it fits very well with the melancholic theme. It immediately reminded my of Radiohead.

I felt that the song would benefit from a chorus or an interlude with one or more different chords and a different dynamic - like a full bar strum, instead of 4/4 fingerpicking. Just so it stands out a bit from the main progression.

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Hi JK, what a wonderful way to spend a little break in the afternoon! I didn’t expect you to present an original as your next song, but hurray! That’s incredible for a first original song. I liked the melancholy and the whole vibe, it’s a song that touches for sure. It fits your voice very well and some nice fingerpicking too, what more does it take to be impressed?
I heard it on some good ear phones and, like others, I had the impression, that the balance of your voice through the mic could be a little more harmonised. To be exact, I had some droning, kind of an mic overmodulation (don’t know how to say it better in English) at the beginning, that was a little disturbing. But that’s only the technical side and can be easily improved. Is it possible to post a transcipt of the text? I really would appreciate this, because as a non native English speaker it’s even harder to understand everything and I’m sure you have a lot to say with your song.
Thanks for sharing, you made my day a little brighter :slightly_smiling_face: :clap: :clap: :clap:


HI JK, cool Leonard Cohen vibe there, I like it. Maybe sit a little away from the mic though, the lyrics sometimes did not come through enough, a little boomy. Good one though, thanks for sharing. :smiley:

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Agree, with Roger, great composition, for a first try!
The guitar can actually come up on the mix.
Well done!

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Wow JK!! Why would i say anything bad about that one??
Really enjoyed it. Just the type of style i love… dark and mellow… take my hat off :raised_hands:t2:

Your voice have an striking resemblance with an norwegian artist that you never heard of before… (most likely) he is a vocalist in a band called midnight choir…

Really get those vibes from your voice, same dark and deep tone…

Again… well done JK! Looking forward to the next…

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This is a beautiful song and well composed. You handle the guitar portion perfectly. The only tiny bit of feedback is add some emotion in your voice. I could feel the emotion in the lyrics overall. Very impressed and hope to get to that level myself. Thanks for sharing


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That’s very beautiful Jk :heart_eyes: Now…I didn’t expect an original from you, not a melodic and melanchonic one for sure, as I see you’re much engaged in rock. The playing was good indeed, but it’s the singing I liked especially, low and very deep, it conveyed emotion. Great job, chapeaux :tophat:


Oh wow, JK, what a surprise :star_struck:!
That’s awesome - finger picking and singing your own song :smiley:. Love it :hugs:.
That’s really a great achievement :+1::clap:.

I enjoyed the dark and melancolic vibes. Reminded me of my The Cure-phase in my teen years :slightly_smiling_face:.

I struggeled a bit with the lyrics. I agree with @Helen0609 that it would be great to have a transcript of the text :blush:.

Regarding the melody, some kind of bridge - maybe with a different chord progression - might be nice to make the song even more interesting. But to be honest, I really like it also without that :innocent:.

All in all, so much to be proud of. Great stuff!
Keep on the good work :smiley:.


Yes…exactly! Can you do that for us european ladies? :blush::blush::blush:


:clap: Nice job JK! i love dark moody stuff and the tone of your voice suits the song nicely.

And congrats on posting an original! I’ve never written a song and would be fine playing covers for eternity (much to Dan’s chagrin :laughing:) so I have a lot of respect for those who can write their own material.

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Listened to this a few times while working away. What can I say JK… you’ve broken your duck with a great first original… a first original with fingerpicking and singing at the same time… adding to the complexity… if you didn’t live so far a way I’d pour you a whiskey to toast you accomplishment… so you’ll have to make do with a round of applause… I understand the comments regarding folk struggling with the lyrics but I felt it added to the charm slightly… maybe just needs to come through a little more clearer (hey I’m scottish nobody understands me at the best of times). I agree with the feedback with adding some more dynamics, not necessarily strumming, but that will come through more as you progress (and at the speed your going probably by next week). All in all I think you should be proud of that one. Interestingly, I have no idea why but it kind of made me think of Jack Black when he sings some times.

I was quite the opposite. I had the feeling before I pressed play. Maybe from watching your earlier performances.


Oooh I likey !! This is drifting into The Comfortably Strange territory (@Digger72) and I can imagine Katja’s vocals to this one. And that is one hell of a compliment. Wonderfully melancholy and dark and it really suited your newly found low register on vox. Nicely picked progression both in the chords and the finger work :wink. Who needs a happy song at bedtime ? Impressive JK, well done sir !

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Thanks everyone, you’re all so kind. Thanks for checking it out. I’ll write some direct replies later when I have a bit more time, just quickly getting in while finishing my morning coffee before the chaos of the day starts.

(An aside: I noticed YouTube doesn’t seem to count view for embedded videos - first noticed on one of my other ones - I think I’ll go back to links again for the next video as it’s nice to see how many views there were)

Here are the lyrics for those that asked @Helen0609 @SILVIA @NicoleKKB

A life together
A kind of love for sure
They don’t have much but, its theirs

It’s in his blood
She doesn’t know it’s there
What gift is this?

He sleeps, he’s gone, he lies
She’s there, she’s not, she dies

It’s dark this winter
No cold in their hearts
What do we love most?

Cold comes into the house
A kind that they can’t stop
Taking him

He sleeps, he’s gone, he lies
She’s there, she’s not, she dies
He sleeps, he’s gone, he dies
She’s there, she’s not, she dies


It’s a song and reminded me of Leonard Cohen actually. A lot of his more obscure stuff was along the same sung poem lines. I enjoyed it and the steady finger picking while singing is pretty impressive to me.

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Great songwriting @jkahn
Fitting for our Community’s own Nick Cave.
Good choice of style and chords as well

Singing/vocal melody tip:
Try to interchange the shorter and longer notes, even if it is just a very short syllable, it can sometimes break a long drone by squeeze in between. Not repeating a pattern or sometimes doing that in an unexpected place makes the audience balance between expected melody and suprising flavouring

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