She Dies - an original by JK

[prbushe]

Bravo!
I thought you were channeling Nick Cave there with the dark moodiness in the lyrics. The chord progression is simple but so effective in setting the vibe.

[liaty]

Great work JK.

[jkahn]

@Eddie_09

That’s a real song for me JK

Thanks for taking some of your limited forum time to check it out Eddie. I still have many issues with my vocals, but developing them slowly.

@roger_holland

And now which I am good at … the criticism, actually that is only sound-technically,

Oh Rogier, I apologise my voice is too deep for you . My voice is just really deep. I listened on headphones & airpods, and you must be talking about the bass drone. That is from my voice, and in my DAW I had some very basic vocal stuff active (compression & a small amount of reverb) that may have accentuated that bass. I didn’t do any production on this one - not that I’ve really done production on anything aside from changing the volume - just recorded it and uploaded it.

@SgtColon

I agree with @roger_holland vocally it was a little difficult in parts understand what you were singing

Thx for listening Stefan. I figured that enunciating clearly is not always required .

@skinnyt

maybe it needed some variation to break it up a bit?

@Jeff

Just so it stands out a bit from the main progression.

Thank you Trevor & Jeff for checking it out & the kind words. You know, there is so much that can be done with a song. For whatever reason my muse was satisfied with this by having it a bit of an odd song, no variation (aside from chord change timing), no bridge, a short chorus that finishes abruptly.

[jkahn]

@Helen0609

That’s incredible for a first original song.

Thanks Andrea, high praise. It’s certainly the first I’ve shared but not the first I’ve written. I also, for better or worse, seem to take the approach of not polishing old songs much, just letting them be and doing something else.

@Malz

cool Leonard Cohen vibe there, I like it.

It wasn’t intentional but I can see how that happened. My deep voice with a melancholy subject. Thanks Mal.

@ReneAsologuitar

Agree, with Roger, great composition, for a first try!
The guitar can actually come up on the mix.

Thanks for the tip & kudos Rene, I appreciate the listen.

@tRONd

Wow JK!! Why would i say anything bad about that one??
Really enjoyed it. Just the type of style i love… dark and mellow… take my hat off

You certainly can say bad stuff if you want Trond, I mean, like how I didn’t find a pitch for the first couple of lines . But thanks for the kudos. I listened to the midnight choir links you posted. They are really good, if I can ever sing like that guy does one day I would be very happy.

@SDKissFan

This is a beautiful song and well composed. You handle the guitar portion perfectly. The only tiny bit of feedback is add some emotion in your voice. I could feel the emotion in the lyrics overall. Very impressed and hope to get to that level myself.

Thanks so much for the high praise Jeff. I am still working on my singing, I know what you mean about emotion (and variety) - if I put too much emphasis on it right now I get off key. You make me blush with your last sentence there, I’ve still got pretty far to go to be where I want to be. I just play almost every day, at least an hour…

[jkahn]

@Silvia80

That’s very beautiful Jk Now…I didn’t expect an original from you, not a melodic and melanchonic one for sure, as I see you’re much engaged in rock.

Now I can’t wait to work out how to surprise you next Silvia . You’re right though, I’ve posted mostly rock since I got my telecaster. When I was buying it, I realised I mostly played acoustic stuff. I still play a lot of acoustic, and probably prefer it to be honest.

@NicoleKKB

I struggeled a bit with the lyrics. I agree with @Helen0609 that it would be great to have a transcript of the text .

And now the lyrics are there . TBH I debated with myself whether to post lyrics with the video initially or not, and decided against it… I remember hearing songs for the first time and trying to figure out the words. I think words are just one part of the whole vibe.

@Jenndye429

And congrats on posting an original! I’ve never written a song and would be fine playing covers for eternity (much to Dan’s chagrin ) so I have a lot of respect for those who can write their own material.

Thanks Jennifer. I enjoy writing my own stuff, but also enjoy covers. I learn way more from covers tbh. Doing your own stuff is fun, you should give it a go sometime. Not that I would post most of what I come up with…

@Socio

Listened to this a few times while working away.

You listened more than once?! James, it’s me who should buy you a whiskey. Or a fine aussie craft pale ale. Some great feedback for me there as well, which will help me when I do another song.

Jack Black is really cool btw. Love his stuff.

@TheMadman_tobyjenner

Oooh I likey !! This is drifting into The Comfortably Strange territory

OMG Toby that is indeed a hell of a compliment and I feel I’ve got a long way to go before I can be close to the masterful compositions Comfortably Strange have put out.

I hope the melancholy of it didn’t make you too miserable before bed .

[jkahn]

Another reply post - sorry for the few in a row, but I feel everyone that comments on an original deserves a reply!

@jbf16falcon

It’s a song and reminded me of Leonard Cohen actually. A lot of his more obscure stuff was along the same sung poem lines.

Thank you James, I have listened to a bit of Leonard Cohen - not a lot mind, I explored a bit of his back catalogue after learning Hallelujah. For me the sung poem is a bit of a crutch because of my limited singing ability

@LievenDV

Great songwriting @jkahn
Fitting for our Community’s own Nick Cave.
Good choice of style and chords as well

Thanks Lieven, means a lot coming from you. I think at the last OM it was Ian (can’t remember his handle) that mentioned Nick Cave. I don’t actually know any Nick Cave songs even though he’s a famous Australian.

The singing tip is useful - I’ll see if I can incorporate that into future stuff. I’m very, very slowly working on my singing. Much more slowly and more frustratingly than guitar.

@prbushe

I thought you were channeling Nick Cave there with the dark moodiness in the lyrics.

Thank you Peter! Hopefully it wasn’t too miserable for your Friday morning .

@liaty

Great work JK

Thanks Dave!

[Blobbyblob]

Jeepers. That was good. Really good. Congrats and keep em coming. String lyrics. Wonderful playing. Great performance.

Just interested, when you were producing it, did you try singing it in different keys and tempo to get a different perspective for yourself of what you liked best?

[Helen0609]

Hi JK, thanks for posting the lyrics! Just heard your song for the second (and not the last) time and had an even better experience!

@jkahn

I think words are just one part of the whole vibe.

That’s true, but if it goes into songwriting (what I understand as different to just composing a LaLa song), text has a certain relevance that is as important as the musical part. As a German, I often find myself listening superficially and even singing to music without having a clue what words I’m listening to…hard to understand…but it’s a phenomen You guys have the advantage (or sometimes disadvantage, if texts are silly) to intstantly understand what you are listening to.

@jkahn

It’s certainly the first I’ve shared but not the first I’ve written.

Ok, now I’m curious…very curious

@jkahn

I still play a lot of acoustic, and probably prefer it to be honest.

Ha, that surprises me, I thought you were more on the rocky side. But isn’t it funny, how much a simple acoustic guitar attracts most of us? For me, the acoustic only should be a first station on my way to electric, guess what, now I can’t leave it not one single day in its stand…
So I’m starting into the day with your lyrics in my head and a slight echo of your song. Love that dark mood in music, even if I’m a positive person!

[jkahn]

@Blobbyblob

Jeepers. That was good. Really good. Congrats and keep em coming. String lyrics. Wonderful playing. Great performance.

Just interested, when you were producing it, did you try singing it in different keys and tempo to get a different perspective for yourself of what you liked best?

Wow, thanks Dom. Glad you liked it. I know you’re a bit of a songwriter yourself.

I didn’t play around with keys or tempos. I had a certain sound I was going for that revolved around the Em chord. To move the Em up to an Fm or F#m would sound different (I know people rekey stuff all the time, I reckon it sounds different).

The C wanted to move through an Am. The words wrote themselves around the chord progression.

@Helen0609

Ha, that surprises me, I thought you were more on the rocky side. But isn’t it funny, how much a simple acoustic guitar attracts most of us? For me, the acoustic only should be a first station on my way to electric, guess what, now I can’t leave it not one single day in its stand…

Well I’m glad you listened again Andrea! Acoustic, rock, well, I like a lot of stuff and they’re different techniques. I like how acoustics are percussive by themselves, which makes them a more full solo instrument than an electric. An electric, I really feel like it needs a band a lot of the time to sound as complete.

I’m a pretty optimistic person too - although we all have sadness in our lives.

[DavidP]

Bravo JK, bravo.

I thoroughly enjoyed that. Yup, no lack of enjoyment as a result of minor chords and dark lyrics.

I also got the Leonard Cohen vibe. But in my mind it was not so much the timbre of the voice but the vocal style, that so called talking style of singing. Plus it was the song structure and flow.

I think the consistent pattern created a hypnotic trance like vibe which worked well.

Quite ok with the ennunciation or ‘blurred’ delivery. Amazing how much it helps to read the lyrics. That said sharing is up to you plus different people will have a different preference. It is worth considering that for many folk here, English is not the mother-tongue. Maybe a good approach is to share lyrics and hide them like I did that list of guitarists on my most recent original. Then it is there for those that want it, either immediately or for a second listen (as was my approach)

Suggestions …

I would back off from the mic. I know dynamic mics are not as prone to proximity effect (an added boomyness/muddiness) as condensor mics, nevertheless it may help to back off.

I think it is a myth that you have to ‘eat the mic’. Maybe that is true live on stage in order to manage bleed from stage monitors while managing gain for pro singers. For us, I’ve found I get a better result when singing and playing if I am around 20-30cm back from the mic.

Not sure what your recording chain is and I know you’ve said your preference is to avoid doing any post-processing. If I understood correctly you were running through Reaper so could add a little EQ, perhaps just a high pass filter to cut the super low frequencies (even if you can’t hear those, they are there and having impact) and a high shelf, which again may just help will the clarity.

Reverb naturally pushes a part back into the mix. Nothing wrong, I think it is essential for a natural sound. That can be limited through the use of the high pass filer to cut some of the lows. Some EQ plaugins also have opportunity to target the reverb on a frequency range cutting highs and lows which can be good.

All of this does require a little sound check and setup before recording but I think is worth the effort.

@jkahn

I learn way more from covers tbh. Doing your own stuff is fun, you should give it a go sometime

I think this would be generally true. I think the crux lies in one’s aspirations.

Quite fine to aspire to be a guitar player in a covers band playing pub/corporate gigs not writing original songs at all.

Quite fine to play and sing cover songs at home on an acoustic for your personal enjoyment, without any desire to play for an audience of any kind, any setting.

All good, just make music in a way that delights you, nourishes you.

[losdemas]

Agree with @Malz - exactly what I was thinking - very Leonard Cohen. b/c time sig; melancholy feeling to the song by choice of chords; BPM; singing style; gentle finger-picking etc.

Understand what others are saying re: (slightly) boomy vocals, etc., but also understand that that is exactly the feel that you are trying to get across and it needs that type of vocal. Difficult to hear the lyrics though: it’s the type of song that, those that enjoy this sort of music want to either clearly hear or read the lyrics as you sing. But would this have bothered Leonard Cohen? Er, no! Those that are interested will likely listen again & again to grasp them.

Occasional light string buzzes, but that is being very picky. Can definitely imagine you performing a set with this kind of style in a moody bar somewhere.

Well done, JK! Works really well.

EDIT: just seen some other posts, inc. yours with the lyrics. Thx!

[RobDickinson]

Nice mate enjoyed listening to that , ended too quickly.

Not kidding. Throw in some just fingerpicking 2/3rds though with a bit of emphasis and a little step up break up the vocals then come hack in for the end. It needs more and that can be space without vocals (which were great)

[MorseMooseGreyGoose]

One of the things I liked about this song is that it is quite atmospheric. With a song like this, I don’t think it matters that some of the lyrics aren’t clearly defined. The ambiguity might even make the song better. I mean I have been listening to Thom York sing for years and half the time have no idea what he is saying.

Well done JK. Thanks for posting.

[Chazzo78]

An amazing original debut dark and moody, loved it and as some have said it has a very Leonard Cohen vibe I’d feel a bit of a fraud offering any advice, great work

[Digger72]

Hi JK,

Loving the vibe. The lyrics fit perfectly.
I agree with perhaps needing a lift just to break the mood a little.
Maybe, if you built out the production, an harmony vocal?

Toby mentioned the stuff Katja and I do, but to be honest this reminds me more of the songs I did when I first started writing my own stuff - but your vocals are better.
Don’t think you’ll find them in this incarnation of the forum - though that may be a good thing - my singing could be painful. Lol

Looking forward to some full blown productions.

Digger

[TheMadman_tobyjenner]

I’ve got a long memory

[Digger72]

Hopefully good ear plugs too,

[twistor59]

That’s such a cool song JK - very emo. Should be proud of that one.

[adi_mrok]

Wow JK half the time spent here comparing to me and 100% more done in original content creation, well done had some strong Something in the Way vibe to me in terms of low vox. Lyrics were great, very melancholic and all, although as others mentioned would be great if words would be clearer while you sing, that’s most likely due closeness of your mouth to mic. Would also enjoy a little bit of change in way you picked strings, a chorus alike section or just and interlude, but as this is your first original (and hopefully not last!) I’ll cut you some slack all the best JK and very well done!

[sairfingers]

The others have said it all JK. Coen, Cave, perhaps you’ve found your vocal niche.
I take my hat off to you for producing, playing and singing an original song. Well done. Great stuff.