The Captain's Commandments

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Captian Beefheart’s 10 commandments on how to play guitar :smiley:

1. Listen to the birds

That’s where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren’t going anywhere.

2. Your guitar is not really a guitar

Your guitar is a divining rod. Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you’re good, you’ll land a big one.

3. Practice in front of a bush

Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush doesn’t shake, eat another piece of bread.

4. Walk with the devil

Old Delta blues players referred to guitar amplifiers as the “devil box.” And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who you’re brining over from the other side. Electricity attracts devils and demons. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.

5. If you’re guilty of thinking, you’re out

If your brain is part of the process, you’re missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing.

6. Never point your guitar at anyone

Your instrument has more clout than lightning. Just hit a big chord then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field.

7. Always carry a church key

That’s your key-man clause. Like One String Sam. He’s one. He was a Detroit street musician who played in the fifties on a homemade instrument. His song “I Need a Hundred Dollars” is warm pie. Another key to the church is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin’ Wolf’s guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty — making you want to look up her dress the whole time to see how he’s doing it.

8. Don’t wipe the sweat off your instrument

You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.

9. Keep your guitar in a dark place

When you’re not playing your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don’t play your guitar for more than a day, be sure you put a saucer of water in with it.

10. You gotta have a hood for your engine

Keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house, the hot air can’t escape. Even a lima bean has to have a piece of wet paper around it to make it grow.

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Hi Brian,
I don’t understand much of the above in my head, but I remember something about bird talk the other day

But I really enjoy playing for the birds ,
image

Greetings

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Black-capped chickadees, Rogier, in case you’re curious. When not on the guitar I’m often out birding. Most of Brian’s post went right past me too. :crazy_face:

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Ooooo ,Google calls/translates them very differently and David Attenborough
also uses that other name :roll_eyes:, but fortunately there is also this name :sweat_smile:

:wink:

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Totally different birds, Rogier. Suggest you google both and check out the differences :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

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A, it`s black-headed tit… googletranslate pulled out another joke with translation for me (but I make a mistake by checking in Google Images)

For what it’s worth,(what was warned about) Google images is completely neat when I look for this kind of thing, it will certainly be due to my previous search results…me a good boy :innocent:
(or google still fools me because your ":stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: " seems like a challenge and I may have done/read something wrong… again :roll_eyes:

It is to hot to think, I go sit outside in the shadow with only the fan and no guitar :ice_cube: :ice_cube: :beverage_box: :ice_cube: :ice_cube:

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Who are you going to trust? Google, David Attenborough or some random dude on a guitar forum? :roll_eyes:

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:joy: :rofl: :joy: :rofl: Oooo this hurts a little so hard I laugh…now stop :laughing:

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He’s obviously going to trust google as he’s been enjoying the results and apparently it keeps coming up as a frequent search suggestion :wink:

Great…

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:see_no_evil:
Everything is going wrong here grrrrr google not so neat now :see_no_evil:…

Brian, intervene and send everyone outside into the garden/terrace/pub…yes oke I go first :roll_eyes: :wavy_dash: :wavy_dash: :wheelchair:

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@roger_holland a little something for you to watch with your cat

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she was sleeping and now…
where the heck I my stuff to play with :grimacing:

just took this she is looking in the house now around the table etc :smile: (and she is not a real killer cat,For example, she is afraid of pigeons if they come too close :see_no_evil: )

20240731_161013
20240731_1610131920×3413 328 KB

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:thinking: :thinking: :thinking:???

@Captain Beefheart :joy: :

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This must be where Helge Schneider got his inspiration from… :laughing:

But did I get it right that the commandments tell me to go out on a lake in a boat with my guitar, follow some birds, use the guitar as fishing road, fall over board and then in the process of drowning to play my best song ever? :face_with_spiral_eyes:

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The Captain has that effect on most of us :rofl:

Some of you made the fatal mistake of listening to the gourd rather than the guru :roll_eyes:

The first commandment is to listen to, not play for the birds!
Great tits indeed!

Play like you’re drowning!

@Helen0609 Ice Cream for Crow is a fab album and track :open_mouth:

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Well Nicole, you had better post an AVOYP of that event!

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… I hope you would be celebrating my heroic most likely fatal undertaking by supportive comments under the AVOYP… à la… “Unfortunately bit muffled sound but expressive changes in the strumming pattern that support the overall tense feeling of the song” :laughing:

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:joy::joy::joy:
Birdwise definitely cuckoo… :crazy_face:

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Heck, I will get you nominated for a Grammy! :star_struck: :star_struck:
image

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nothing meaningful can come from a guru with a name like that… Nomen est omen :roll_eyes:…

Yes saw that ,but where is the fun there? (like I said, I don’t follow it very well, it must be something typical for the other side of the water :innocent:)

if it sings well I like to play in front (or back) of it :sunglasses:

Now i really should go :wavy_dash:

Last thing , I recognized the name but had completely forgotten who or what he was again :grimacing:

Nice guru :upside_down_face:…

Captain Beefheart was known as someone who treated his musicians dictatorially. The group consisted of a changing group of musicians, sometimes working under pseudonyms that Beefheart had devised for them. The only more or less constant figure is drummer John French, who contributed to the creation of Trout Mask Replica, later accompanied the period between '71 and '74 and was also part of the group during Doc at the Radar Station.French has written a lengthy autobiography in which the cult-like aspects of the Magic Band are described in detail. Ry Cooder, Doug Moon and Zoot Horn Rollo have also spoken out about the abuses in the Magic Band.

(wiki and some docu stuff)

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