Too lazy to die

Hopefully you all had a great Christmas time!

I know, I haven’t been active here for a long time. First it was lots of stress at work and after some time - not playing guitar - developed into a really bad conscience that told me if you are not playing guitar, you have no business in this forum either.

But today something has happened that was and is such a huge shock and scare that I promise I will play guitar each and every day from now on, if that means that my husband will survive. That’s a good deal, isn’t it?

I had to call an ambulance for him today.

Here in Finland, as a family member you are discouraged from coming along to the emergency room and waiting there. Instead you are told to wait at home and wait for a call. Nobody called, and I haven’t been able to reach anybody. So in the end, after more than four hours, I thought who cares if they will throw me out they will. Went to the emergency room and experienced the shock of a lifetime.

My husband in a hospital bed with an oxigen mask on. Looking so helpless. They told me that they are just about to transfer him to an ICU unit of the most prestigious hospital in Finland.

I asked the nurses: If things are so bad, why did nobody call me? Oh well, yes, we thought that the doctor just called you. No. Nobody ever called.

They called the doctor to talk to me. She showered me with a load of medical mumbojumbo. The doctor confirmed to me that it’s life threatening and did not agree to tell me how big are the chances that my husband is still alive tomorrow.

Meanwhile my husband is at the ICU unit and they let me talk to him on the phone shortly. That’s when he said to me: “I’m too lazy to die”.

So, here I am scared and alone thinking this sounds like the title of a song “Too lazy to die”

That’s why I pledge here and now. I will play every day, be disciplined, stop avoiding the forum that I grew to love so much. If this only means that my husband will survive.

And at some point I will write a song for him. Too lazy to die.


Oh Nicole, that’s terrible! I keep my fingers crossed really hard that he makes it and you can play guitar every day :hand_with_index_finger_and_thumb_crossed: :hand_with_index_finger_and_thumb_crossed: :hand_with_index_finger_and_thumb_crossed: :hand_with_index_finger_and_thumb_crossed: :hand_with_index_finger_and_thumb_crossed: :hand_with_index_finger_and_thumb_crossed:
Stay strong!

Stay strong Nicole and I hope everything goes well and your husband gets home from hospital soon and can listen to your song!

Oh, no! That is so scary! We will be thinking of you and your husband. He has to do ok, if just to hear the crazy song you will have to write.

Hi Nicole, I’m really sorry to hear about your husband’s critical state. My thoughts are with you, and I deeply hope everything goes well!

This sounds very distressing. I hope your husband gets better soon and is back home safely with you to hear your song. Best wishes Alan

@LadyOfTheCastle @Jamolay @Eddie_09 @franzek @Alan_1970

Thank you so much for your good thoughts. Can’t sleep and have to be at work early tomorrow. I’m the only one at work in my department between Christmas and New Year , but I guess it’s okay in this case to ask my boss get someone else to work? So that I can leave earlier tomorrow? No idea, never been in such a situation and I surely don’t want to be in such again.

They haven’t called from the hospital. So I guess, given the circumstances everything is stable. Or as “stable” as it can be on ICUs.

What a way to end Christmas. I would have preferred our traditional visit to my parents in law.

The song… It won’t have music any time soon. Lyrics earlier I guess. But that man of mine, he has to hang in there. Otherwise, no song.

If you are spending time with your loved ones at the moment, give them a big hug and tell them that you love them. Chances for that can be over so fast and unexpectedly.

Now I’m crying, but a friend told me today, that’s okay.


Hi Nicole! I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. Feel hugged. I keep my fingers crossed.

Don’t hesitate to write in the forum even if there is a break in playing guitar. You’re a very valuable and estimated member of this community.

:cry: Oh no, Nicole, sending you lots of :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: and :heart: :heart: :heart:
Best wishes to your husband. Take care :worried:

Thinking of you and your husband Nicole! and sending you hugs and :white_heart: too
I hope he is safe and well and back home with you soon :hugs: :hugs: :hand_with_index_finger_and_thumb_crossed:

Really wishing your hubby (and you of course!) all the best wishes and hopefully he will be standing up again soon! And don’t even worry about the work, if your boss is a douche and won’t let you go, it means it’s not a good place to work at. Although I am sure it will all be fine and boss will turn out to be a solid type :slight_smile:

Nicole, my heart is with you, and with your husband too. Yes, of course it’s ok to ask your boss to get someone to work in your place. I’m sure you’d do the same for another.

@Siehtscheh @nzmetal @Avalon426 @adi_mrok @judi

Thank you so much. I mean it.
Adi and Judi, I hope you are right.

No sleep. Of course not. How could I? No call. Keep on telling myself that he is in the best hospital in the Nordic States. Keep on telling myself that they know what they are doing.

I’m sorry for this, btw. I am not seeking attention. It’s just that this is too big for me to handle. Too scary. Too outrageous. I’m trying to be strong, but I need an outlet and right now it is writing. Otherwise I will shatter to pieces.


Nicole, please don’t be or feel like you should be sorry. You need some support :white_heart:

I hope you hear something soon and that your husband is ok :hugs:

Hi Nicole,

So so sorry to hear about what your going through wishing your husband well and you to stay strong :hugs:

So sorry to hear about what you’re going through Nicole. Wish you and you’re husband all the best.
Not sure what i can say to ease of the pain… hang in there and take one day at the time. Good luck to you both :pray:

Hi Nicole,
I was cheerful when I saw a message from you and thought she is back… Well that joy was short-lived… :cry:

I now think back to an earlier conversation with you "and hopefully he will now and already know and shout out “but don’t worry so much…it will be fine”

Wishful thinking and hoping is allowed and actually mandatory (but not easy at all)
and keep the mind under control a bit…I’m thinking of you

Don’t do things that you might later regret and talk to your boss…but don’t force anything…follow your feelings and keep your wits about you, that’s good and especially talk about it with the people around you who know you very well


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Nicole, no words, just some virtual hugs. :heart: :heart: :hand_with_index_finger_and_thumb_crossed: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

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Wishing you and your husband strength and health, Nicole.

We are a family here and support and care for each other first as people and then as musicians.

Thank you so much everyone. I am most humbled and grateful.

I owe you guys an update. He is alive and proudly informed me via WhatsApp that he can sit. Seems he has been getting somewhat better but they still have no clue what actually causes all of this. Influenssa, yes, bit what else?

My boss almost immediately agreed with me being away from work. I’m on the way to the ICU unit now.

Since I have time and since I’m dreading having to go there so much…

@Avalon426 Yes. You hit the nail on the hat (I don’t know whether this German saying translates to English, but be it as it may)

@amandaw57 I’m trying, I’m trying Likely too tired to understand all of this at the moment

@tRONd That’s just perfect. One day at a time that’s exactly how I should try to perceive this. Right now it looks about better. That should be what is important for today.

@roger_holland Hitting straight to my innermost. You have a gift there, you know.

@Richard_close2u Thanks, Richard, any kind of hug is welcome. Real ones and virtual ones

@DavidP Thanks, David, that brought a few tears to my eyes.

Sidenotice btw. There is a sticker on the bus I’m in saying “Please don’t bring smelly food on the vehicle”.
One day at a time. Hmm, do you think, @tRONd that someone had opened a can of surströmming on the bus?