Zitronenfalter - Original by Lisa_S

Hi folks,

I know I was a little absent the past weeks and months due to several real life issues. Some more on this is given in my recent learning log update for those interested. No need to repeat here, though. :wink:

A little bit of background:
A few weeks back my significant other noticed a small ad in our local newspaper that offered a 6 lesson wokshop on songwriting and knew, this would be something I’d be keen on. :smiley: So I joined the class and luckily enough, we were enough peeps to got it started. It was fun and interesting 6 weeks of learning and re-channelling my inner songwriter I believed being dead since 15 years. Turned out, it’s still alive though! :sweat_smile:

It was amazing to watch how different the outcome was for us 5 wanna-be songwriters that were all offered the same toolboxes. Quite cool and a real diverse outcome. I miss those peeps and our teachers already. :smiley:

But enough said, here it comes:

Apologies to all non-german-speakers of the community, but the lyrics are in German. Will paste those and a translation below so you can at least get what it’s about, the translation is kind of rough I must admit. :sweat_smile: The song is called Zitronenfalter (Brimstone butterfly).

It’s the very first recording of it, as always only recorded with my phone, so sound quality isn’t overwhelming. Some very funny sidenote: RBS didn’t kick in that heavily as before. What a relieve! :smiley:

Thanks for listening! Just to mention: I’m open to any kind of feedback, positive or negative. :slight_smile:

Cheers - Lisa

Lyrics German

Verse 1:

Ich weiß noch mein Herz, das klopfte ganz wild,
Als es hieß heut geht’s ins Dorf am Ende der Welt
Geschüttelt wie ein Shake ging’s rauf auf den Berg
Doch 4 strahlende Kinderaugen waren die Rumpelei wert

Verse 2:
Mit Mut in unseren Herzen und Kribbeln im Bauch
Ging’s nach draußen auf die Jagd durch Wälder und Strauch
Mit Grasflecken auf den Hosen und Käfern im Haar
Gingen wir heim und wir fühlten uns einfach nur wunderbar

Chorus:

In unseren alten Kindertagen
Ganz losgelöst und sorgenfrei
Wir waren Zitronenfalter jagen
Und rein gar nichts konnte uns entzweien

Verse 3:
Die Zeit flog dahin, die Pubertät kickte rein
Doch zu zweit konnten wir dem Wahnsinn manchmal einteilen
Festgekrallt auf deinem Moped ging’s rauf auf den Berg
Doch die unbeschwerten Stunden waren die Angstschweißfluten wert

Verse 4:
Da draußen im Forst konnten wir einfach sein,
haben gefeixt und gelacht, auch manchmal geweint
befreit und unbeschwert wie die Falter im Wind
ein Gefühl ganz tief drin, das uns niemand mehr nimmt

Chorus

Verse 5:

Die Zeit steht nicht still, schon gar nicht das Leben
Haben uns lang nicht gesehen, ab und an mal geschrieben
War schon ewig nicht mehr da, im Dorf auf dem Berg
Doch die Erinnerung daran schätz ich unfassbar wert

Chorus

Translation

Verse 1:

I remember my heart beating fast
when mentioned we’re visiting the village at the end of the world
heavily shaken we drove up that hill
but 4 sparkling children’s eyes were worth all the rumbling

Verse 2:

with braveness in our hearts and tingling bellies
we went out for “a hunt” in forrests and bushes
with grass stained jeans and bugs in our hair
we went back home and just felt tremendously happy

Chorus:

back in our childhood days
easygoing and free of sorrows
we were chasing brimstone butterflies
and nothing could tear us apart

Verse 3

As time passed by and puberty hit hardly
together we could leave behind this insanity for some time
clinged to you on your moped we drove up that hill
but the lighthearted moments were worth the flood of cold sweat

Verse 4
Out in that forrest we could simply be
just smirking and laughing, sometimes also crying
relieved and eased as those butterflies in the wind
a feeling deep down inside no one ever could take away from us

Chorus

Verse 5:

Times are a-changing and so does life,
haven’t met in ages, written correspondence sometimes
Even longer it was since I last went up that hill
but memories of these days I will cherish forever

Chorus

30 Likes

I really like this Beenie!!!
I didn’t understand the lyrics but was listening as I ran errands around town and definitely got a “Fluttering” vibe before I saw the title! I’m very pleased with your songwriting effort!!! Super enjoyable! I’m going to give it another listen later when I can watch you play instead of just listening… you go girl!!! :+1:t2::grin::sunglasses::butterfly:

Tod

1 Like

Outstanding Lisa!

That’s some beautiful music you write there. I’m envious for sure.

Thoroughly enjoyable listen.
So glad you shared that with us.

Myself, I like it in German. And I don’t speak German.
This is just me. But for some reason I don’t listen to the words. Any words, in any song. Generally speaking.
I for sure hear the melody and song though and that’s what makes a song for me. The music.

And you surely made music.
You should be real proud of that song.

Keep on writing. Your guitar playing and singing is fun to listen to.

Great song!

1 Like

@Lisa_S I love it, I love it, I love it :hearts: The chords, the melody, the phantastic fingerstyle. The lyrics. Butterflies of all things :butterfly: :butterfly: :butterfly: :butterfly: Bad thing is that now you will have to make an album…

I know, I should be criticizing. All I can offer is positive criticism, and I guess in my special situation this week, I’m allowed this for once… Your song deserves to be recorded professionally, there are times in the song, when I would like to have your voice doubled and hear you sing harmonies with yourself (chorus, last one at least).

For some reason your style reminds me of Karlie Apriori, don’t know if you know her.

Now, my main concern is: How do I get your song added to one of my Youtube-Premium playlists? :slight_smile:

1 Like

That was good Lisa. Enjoyable melody, good guitar playing and you have a pleasant voice to listen to.

It had an acoustic-pop feel to it, is that what you were going for?

I don’t know German, but reading the translation, the vibe of the song matched the subject well. Nice work!

1 Like

Hello Lisa, a big Thank you! to your significant other for showing you the ad for the songwriting workshop. The outcome is brilliant :star_struck:!
This is a really beautiful song :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:.
Both, lyrics and melody tranport the content of the tune in a wonderful way. The picking pattern was well chosen, and with the title in mind, you nearly can feel the fluttering of the butterfly.

Last but not least, you have such a beautiful voice. The way you sing suits perfectly to the song. Your voice, as well as your playing, conveys the jauntiness/light-heartedness perfectly. Everything appears to be very authentic.

So, a big compliment from me. That’s a great tune and a perfect kick-off song to your future singer-songwriter career :+1::clap::star_struck:.
I really hope to hear more originals from you in the future :smiley:.

1 Like

Fantastic Lisa!!
Great tune! Nicely sung and great guitar playing!!
I am impressed! :grin::raised_hands:t2:

1 Like

Bravo, Lisa :clap: :clap: :clap:
What a great way to move on from a stressful time.
I’m glad you rediscovered your ‘creativity box’ in all the upheaval :smiley:
Lots of praiseworthy things coming together here. Meaningful, descriptive lyrics with a catchy melody over a nice chord progression, not to mention competent performance.
You did ask for feedback, so please take or leave this as you wish.
Would I be right in assuming you wrote the lyrics first and then put them to music?
They read much better, or rather more fluid than they sound.
There are places where it feels like you are trying to squeeze too many syllables into the bars.
For example in verse two
Mit Grasflecken auf den Hosen und…
Perhaps something like ‘mit Hosenriss(e) und…’ might sound less rushed?
Verse three felt a bit crowded too.
That’s all minor pickiness though.
I prefer the German Lemon-folders to Brimstone butterflies. :wink:
Take a bow :sunglasses:

1 Like

That was really sweet Lisa. I liked the pulse of the song and thought you did a great job singing and playing, very calm an composed.
Respect to delivering the lyric Brian @brianlarsen mentioned in verse 2, it caught my ear as I listened, that sounded like a real tongue twisting challenge to get out.
Great job, :clap::clap::clap:
Best wishes, Alan

1 Like

Lovely song Lisa, thanks for sharing your creativity
I particularly like the hammer on pull off runs, really sweet character to that
:ok_hand::two_hearts:

2 Likes

@CATMAN62

Thanks for taking your time to listen, Tod! I’m glad you liked it and got the vibe despite being on you way through around town. :smiley: Your kind and encouraging words are much appreciated! :slight_smile:

@HappyCat

Thanks a lot for giving it a listen, Jim! I’m glad you liked it and felt what it was about rather then getting it from the words. That means a lot to me. My partner is quite similar to you when it’s about lyrics. He’s simply ignoring them most of the time. :smiley: I appreciate you encouragement a lot! :slight_smile:

@JokuMuu

Thanks so much for checking in here, Nicole! Good to hear you enjoyed the listen! As I read through your lyrics the other day, it truely made me smile that it was about a caterpillar having my butterfly-song in mind. Funny coincidence! :smiley:
A whole album… I see, no pressure at all! :joy: :joy: In case I get some songs together (maybe re-use some of my old ones that were actually recorded in a studio back in the days…) I will think about a recording session. Maybe, in case I get any good at it, I can do it myself someday. :sweat_smile:

I don’t know her, but I’ll give her a listen the next days! :slight_smile: Thanks again for you supportive, positive vibes, much appreciated. I hope you can solve the Youtube-thing, I can’t help with that. :sweat_smile:

@jkahn

Thanks a lot for checking in and giving my song a listen, JK! Your kind words are highly appreciated. :smiley: I’m glad you got the vibe and find subject and music are a match. :slight_smile:

It’s kind of what I had in mind, acoustic for sure. In Germany we have a kind of singer-songwriter-sub-genre that goes in that direction as well and is something like “storysinging” rather than telling.

@NicoleKKB

Thanks so much for giving it a listen, Nicole! I’ll thank my partner in your name. Even more as he served the inspiration for the song itself. During the course we learned about object writing, it’s more or less writing about a random subject for about 10 minutes and putting down anything that’s coming up without too much of thinking. He served the “Zitronenfalter” as random topic one day and I immediately had a flashback to my childhood friend. There rest is history. :smiley:

I appreciate your kind and encouraging words a lot! :smiley: Very glad you like the tune and get the vibes. Being called “authentic” is probably one of the nicest things I heard the past days. Thanks a lot for that! :smiley:

@tRONd

Thanks so much for taking your time to listen, Trond! :smiley: Appreciate your supportive vibes a lot, mate. :slight_smile:

@brianlarsen

Thanks a lot for your kind words, Brian! :smiley: 100 % agree it is a great way to come out of stressful times. Very glad you like the tune and the melody being called catchy means a lot to me! :smiley: I really do appreciate your feedback on the lyrics as well!

Partially, yes. For the chorus and the first verse, both words and melody came together more or less simultaneously. Remaining verses were then build in the bath tub where they worked quite well. :joy:
I agree there are quite wordy parts - the joy and curse of the german language. :joy: I tried tweaking them, but nothing popped up that worked better so far. Maybe it’s because I already feel familar with the words. I hardly can separate from things I got used to. :rofl: But I keep your words in mind and maybe someday somethings popping up that suits a little better.

You’re killing me, Brian. :rofl: :rofl: As kids we were always told those butterflies aren’t named Zitronenfalter because the fold lemons. :joy:

Thanks again! :slight_smile:

2 Likes

@Alan_1970

Thanks a lot for checking in here, Alan! I appreciate your kind and supportive vibes a lot! :smiley:

Hahaha, yes it’s kind of true. But German has lots of tongue twisting things, so we’re kind of used to it. :joy:

@Eccleshall

Thanks so much for taking a listen, Ruaridh! :slight_smile: I’m glad you liked the outcome of my recent creativity boost and appreciate your encouraging words. :slight_smile:
This little run was one of the first things I got down for the tune and it serves quite well as repetetive element in the song.

Thanks again to all who took a listen and left a like or some very kind words. I highly appreciate each of you took the time to do so, it really means a lot! :heart:

Well done on an original song, your inner songwriter is definitely still alive. Playing sounded great and the melody seemed to match the translated lyrics well. Hope you keep up the writing.

1 Like

Lisa

A really good song performed with real feeling. Without understanding a word of German I understood something beautiful was happening!

Look forward to hearing more.

Brian

1 Like

What a way to end the year, Lisa, that was great. No need to apologize for the lyrics being in German, I love it when members of the community post songs in their native language. There are quite a few songs I really enjoy and could sing along with without understanding the lyrics. I think it comes down to having a good catchy melody and you definitely achieved that for sure. It was a very competent and enjoyable performance. I’m looking forward to hearing more originals from you in 2024. Bravo

1 Like

@skinnyt

Thanks a lot for checking in here and taking your time to listen. Your kind words are highly appreciated. :smiley: Yeah, it seems my “Schroedinger’s Songwriter” is out and alive now, few months back I couldn’t tell whether it’s dead or alive. For now I better keep it out if its box. :rofl:

@beejay56

Thanks so much for listening, Brian! :slight_smile: Glad you liked the song and performance.

Thanks for this, these words mean a lot to me! :smiley:

@Socio

Thanks a ton for listening and providing such supportive vibes and kind words, James. It’s very much appreciated. :smiley:
Yeah, it definitely is a very good way to end my 2023 with an own song. I also totally relate to your sight on lyrics in (for me) foreign languages when sung by native speakers. It adds even more to them and to the feel of a song. Music itself is quite a common language we all share and this is beautiful, too. :slight_smile:

So do I for your originals! :smiley:

1 Like

:clap: :clap: :clap:

That was beautiful, Lisa! :butterfly: :lemon: :butterfly: :lemon: :butterfly: :lemon:

I enjoyed it a lot. :smiley:
Such a lovely tune and nice lyrics. I was quite surprised and delighted to find a German songtitle here for a change.
And your performance is great: your singing and playing is a pleasure to listen to.
This workshop must have been really good. The outcome is amazing :+1:

Oh, and you should cancel the “wanna-be” in your introduction.
You really are a songwriter - and a great one. :musical_note: :microphone: :guitar:

Weiter so!

Viele Grüße
Gunhild :lady_beetle:
(die auch öfter mal Käfer im Haar hat :wink:)

1 Like

Guten Abend und Grüße von jenseits der Grenze! Das war eine wunderschöne Lisa.

Having just replied to your Log and knowing the back story that was a wonderful experience.
I have not looked at the translation yet but what amazes me about music, if a song has been well written and has a enjoyable emotional melody, the language is immaterial, you just get absorbed in the song. And such was the case here.

A beautifully played wonderful flowing song, sung with passion feeling and a smile. Not knowing what the heck you were singing about did not matter. It could have been a song about the Zebras and Elephants all going to Strasbourg or Brussel for the New Year, I could not care less, as I was just absorbed in the performance. Ain’t therapy great :wink:

So off for a replay and see what’s actually going on :rofl:

Frohes Neues Jahr (Auf Google vertrauen wir - you guessed I ain’t Brian :shamrock: )

:sunglasses:

2 Likes

@Gunhild

Thank you so much for listening, Gunhild! I’m glad you liked and enjoyed it and your kind words are highly appreciated! :smiley:

Having written a tune in German is also not as common for me, too. Most songs I wrote in the past were English with only two exceptions so far. Now here’s the third. I plan on taking it as it comes, some things work better in English, others better in German. :slight_smile:

Aaaw, thanks for that - that really means a lot to me! :heart:

Hah, now I get your profile pic with the Ladybug - you carry them around in your hair. :wink: :joy: Just kidding.

Dir und Deinen Lieben einen guten Start ins neue Jahr! :four_leaf_clover:

Viele Grüße - Lisa

@TheMadman_tobyjenner

Thanks so much for your kind words and supportive vibes, Toby! I highly appreciate it! :smiley:

I’d rather not try any French here, I’d also have to ask Google. I only know how to order beer. :joy:

Thanks so much for this - that’s what I also love about music. Having achieved this for you means a lot to me! :two_hearts:

Sounds like a great story for a song, too. :smiley:

Happy New Year to you and your loved ones, Toby! :four_leaf_clover:

2 Likes

That is lovely Lisa :heart_eyes::heart_eyes::heart_eyes:…and so well “handcrafted”…I just love the fingerstyle and the variety of notes that makes it always interesting to the ear! You have a very beautiful voice as well!

The Lyrics: it might be a coincidence, I visited my parents a few days ago and spent a couple of days there, they live in a small village. Since my father has not been well he couldn’t drive me to the train station and I took the chance to go by walking the 5km…ahi…the grass stained jeans and anything else came back just the way you’re singing about it! I found the music gave me some of that light hearted feeling without understanding the German, then when I read the Lyrics it all made sense!
Thank you so much for sharing this…it made me connect with my own emotions!

1 Like